Monday, December 29, 2003
Your obsessed
You walk around in your boondock p-coat. Your
weapons of choice are some rope, a rambo knife
and an irish accent. Your a good
person.........and your part of the boondock
flock......destroy all that which is deceitful,
so that which is good my flourish.
Are you obsessed with the Boondock saints?
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cuddle and a kiss on the forehead - you like to be
close to your special someone and feel warm,
comfortable, and needed
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the bad hasnt gone away but i still feel the need to write. i dont know if its to clear my head or my thoughts of the negative or to complain and whine in which case the "waaaaa-bulance" may have to be called. have i been stupid, treasuring something i found that realli was never mine to brag about? feeling let down & stuck in a perpetual limbo as a good friend once put it, im stuck. i do whatever i can push myself to do. i always have some limitations and right now i feel like im stuck under a mountain of them. it seems like i always put myself out there with boys, friends, family; yet somehow i always get burned. im not denying that there is some small good left in the world but for the innocent girl who thought that the world was still good and that people were still inherently good, i fall hard into guys and friends and family, and i get hurt. focus on the good? i dont know anymore. i want to stay upbeat and positive and radiant, cuz for a while, yeh thats how i felt. and it was perfect and i was happy and nothing could get me down. i want to know how to get back to that. am i slighting people i shouldnt be? perhaps. and how dare i do that if thats true! but on the other hand, i am getting slighted as well and how dare anyone else? why do we overlook people's feelings sometimes when i we choose to act, or not to act. why do we let people pull at our emotions and our hearts until we're so torn we cant even see straight.
You're Torn by Natalie Imbruglia. You see
that the person you loved screwed you over and
you can't help but think it's your fault. You
sit there and cry and feel depressed. The
remedy for that is to forget about it and move
on. There are better people. Don't dwell on the
past.
yeh thats kinda interesting. cuz i never let go and yeh...
i know i long for love of my own, from a boy, from my family, from my friends. "deep inside your eyes im blinded by your love, still i run so far just to find that im alone again"
--thats poetic, thats pathetic... will it mean that its the end and im alone?--
seeing as i wont be doing anything on new years eve cuz my " lets have rider new years " friends... never got back to me... ill be working tues and wed and sittin on my ass wed nite, doin nothing.
heres to ringin in the new year..... i dont have a resolution yet... perhaps to find that inner strength, that light that was once burning so bright inside of me, and keep it goin forever. hmm.... scratches imaginary beard! " there there huh, there there, its gonna be a happy new year "
i want to be happy and positive. i dont want to dwell. i dont let go of things but i want to be happy and social and watnot. blah blah blah. thats enough for now.
i read joes blog and looking back, i dont know who/what i would reach out to from bga. theres a few. joes def. one of them! hehe. ms opi who i see, jackie lach, christina, mike... i dunno. its early & i just got up. do i rekindle those old flames of friendship... wat do i want anymore? love & friendship & family. heres to a hot hot hot sweat sweet wet wet wet red heat kind of a shower!
You're Torn by Natalie Imbruglia. You see
that the person you loved screwed you over and
you can't help but think it's your fault. You
sit there and cry and feel depressed. The
remedy for that is to forget about it and move
on. There are better people. Don't dwell on the
past.
yeh thats kinda interesting. cuz i never let go and yeh...
i know i long for love of my own, from a boy, from my family, from my friends. "deep inside your eyes im blinded by your love, still i run so far just to find that im alone again"
--thats poetic, thats pathetic... will it mean that its the end and im alone?--
seeing as i wont be doing anything on new years eve cuz my " lets have rider new years " friends... never got back to me... ill be working tues and wed and sittin on my ass wed nite, doin nothing.
heres to ringin in the new year..... i dont have a resolution yet... perhaps to find that inner strength, that light that was once burning so bright inside of me, and keep it goin forever. hmm.... scratches imaginary beard! " there there huh, there there, its gonna be a happy new year "
i want to be happy and positive. i dont want to dwell. i dont let go of things but i want to be happy and social and watnot. blah blah blah. thats enough for now.
i read joes blog and looking back, i dont know who/what i would reach out to from bga. theres a few. joes def. one of them! hehe. ms opi who i see, jackie lach, christina, mike... i dunno. its early & i just got up. do i rekindle those old flames of friendship... wat do i want anymore? love & friendship & family. heres to a hot hot hot sweat sweet wet wet wet red heat kind of a shower!
