Sunday, March 16, 2003
so much has been going on lately. and nothing has been going on. but i havent had the heart to write. im still not sure if i do. ive been so consumed by my thoughts and feelings that i cant concentrate on much else. school, homework, online stuff, college... nothing holds a bearing. thats prolli not a good way of looking at things. i feel like my life is one big heavy sigh. its getting harder and harder for me to put into words my thoughts and emotions. i feel like im losing myself at times. even the parts of my personality i like, i feel like they are slipping away and dark shadows of discontent and a hateful self-image fill the void.
my poppi was rushed to the hospital tuesday and hes still there. his body is tired. he tells the best stories and im afraid that we're gonna lose him soon. he's got the brightest eyes and the best spirit! hes so special. "say it like shut the door, je t'adore."
one wish? to be happy. like machovics story. to be needed by someone. to have ur smile be the cause of someone elses. to have someone love you. because i can feel so much love in my heart but i cant share it with anyone. no friends, no boys. im afraid my attitude is becoming cynical and negative. i try to stay positive. its hard. sometimes it actually hurts to smile. am i waiting for a fairytale? im just waiting for a life. waiting for love. like sue's old blog was entitled ( i dont know the background to it ).... im just waiting for wings!
my poppi was rushed to the hospital tuesday and hes still there. his body is tired. he tells the best stories and im afraid that we're gonna lose him soon. he's got the brightest eyes and the best spirit! hes so special. "say it like shut the door, je t'adore."
one wish? to be happy. like machovics story. to be needed by someone. to have ur smile be the cause of someone elses. to have someone love you. because i can feel so much love in my heart but i cant share it with anyone. no friends, no boys. im afraid my attitude is becoming cynical and negative. i try to stay positive. its hard. sometimes it actually hurts to smile. am i waiting for a fairytale? im just waiting for a life. waiting for love. like sue's old blog was entitled ( i dont know the background to it ).... im just waiting for wings!
