Saturday, March 01, 2003
"Buildings burn, people die, but real love is forever."
im sick today. "ive gone and caught a sniffle." as indiana would say. hehe. yeh well im not feeling too good, physically. but im doin better than this morning. i took a million baths and slept alot and drove my dads car around the block and went to the mall to get Road to Perdition which was on sale and i also picked up The Crow. the dude behind the counter was soo talkative and was heavily medicated. hmm, i prolli shouldnt have driven. lol. but he was realli cute and i managed to look humanly cute. hehe. i talked to him for like twenty minutes. we talked about movies and our favourites and the crow and wat days he works ( i will now stop in every saturday ) and music and stuff. obligatory left lobe earring. lol. forgot him name tho.. no tag. it was exciting!!!! i walked out all smilee and stupid. lol.
either tho im sick this is the best ive felt in a while. ive had too many things that say " do not operate heavy machinery " hehe. im realli hyper and hungry. Whoa, linkin park's one step closer. " im about to break " hot damn! i was reviving the good ol' LP in the car before. my own live cd tho. its still good. wat ive sampled from meteora, all techno-y and watnot. i wasnt impressed. we'll see. but yeh i feel ... alrite. i feel like my heart and/or my head is being pulled in soo many different directions. totally alone ... my thoughts never turn off. i feel the need to write wat i feel but in actuality, i dont know wat im feeling. i dont want to be a part of some people. friends as of cotillion, i dont want to be around. they arent real friends if they leave when " better " friends come along. thats not real friendship and itll bite them in the ass oneday. maybe ill be around to see it. and for someone else, take the wrapping paper down. it means nothing. so wrapped up in yourself that im not even a glint in your eye and if thats how it is, then fine. but one thing i dont want is your godforsaken attitude. i have a shitty one of my own and i dont need some nasty ass selfish attitude.
im so afraid that all this stuff has turned my attitude to that of a cynical scornful and defensive person. im really trying not to be. the more i feel hurt the more the attitude turns shitty the more i get hurt. vicious circle much?! im really babbling but i dont have anyone else to talk to. momma donna says that theres gotta be someone out there. haha. of course i gave the nod and the ' o i know ' bit. but i doubt it. i feel so pathetic. hehe. im just tired of everything!!!!!! cant i just start all over or sumthing.
went to the wake .... ive never had to say goodbye like that to someone so close. sigh. aunt tessie, we love you!
my hairs all crazy...thursday it was cute!! mike gave me a compliment. my first in a while. thanks hun. paul said hes gonna visit me sometime soon. he better!! he's a million miles away.
holy shit. evanesense commercial featuring.... 12 stones!! wooo wooo. save me from the nothing ive become...wake me up inside.
im sick today. "ive gone and caught a sniffle." as indiana would say. hehe. yeh well im not feeling too good, physically. but im doin better than this morning. i took a million baths and slept alot and drove my dads car around the block and went to the mall to get Road to Perdition which was on sale and i also picked up The Crow. the dude behind the counter was soo talkative and was heavily medicated. hmm, i prolli shouldnt have driven. lol. but he was realli cute and i managed to look humanly cute. hehe. i talked to him for like twenty minutes. we talked about movies and our favourites and the crow and wat days he works ( i will now stop in every saturday ) and music and stuff. obligatory left lobe earring. lol. forgot him name tho.. no tag. it was exciting!!!! i walked out all smilee and stupid. lol.
either tho im sick this is the best ive felt in a while. ive had too many things that say " do not operate heavy machinery " hehe. im realli hyper and hungry. Whoa, linkin park's one step closer. " im about to break " hot damn! i was reviving the good ol' LP in the car before. my own live cd tho. its still good. wat ive sampled from meteora, all techno-y and watnot. i wasnt impressed. we'll see. but yeh i feel ... alrite. i feel like my heart and/or my head is being pulled in soo many different directions. totally alone ... my thoughts never turn off. i feel the need to write wat i feel but in actuality, i dont know wat im feeling. i dont want to be a part of some people. friends as of cotillion, i dont want to be around. they arent real friends if they leave when " better " friends come along. thats not real friendship and itll bite them in the ass oneday. maybe ill be around to see it. and for someone else, take the wrapping paper down. it means nothing. so wrapped up in yourself that im not even a glint in your eye and if thats how it is, then fine. but one thing i dont want is your godforsaken attitude. i have a shitty one of my own and i dont need some nasty ass selfish attitude.
im so afraid that all this stuff has turned my attitude to that of a cynical scornful and defensive person. im really trying not to be. the more i feel hurt the more the attitude turns shitty the more i get hurt. vicious circle much?! im really babbling but i dont have anyone else to talk to. momma donna says that theres gotta be someone out there. haha. of course i gave the nod and the ' o i know ' bit. but i doubt it. i feel so pathetic. hehe. im just tired of everything!!!!!! cant i just start all over or sumthing.
went to the wake .... ive never had to say goodbye like that to someone so close. sigh. aunt tessie, we love you!
my hairs all crazy...thursday it was cute!! mike gave me a compliment. my first in a while. thanks hun. paul said hes gonna visit me sometime soon. he better!! he's a million miles away.
holy shit. evanesense commercial featuring.... 12 stones!! wooo wooo. save me from the nothing ive become...wake me up inside.
Monday, February 24, 2003
"Speculum"
There's so many people dying
You complain about your situation
What about me?
Half the world wouldn't know
What it's like to lose your seed
Maybe you can understand
(How I feel)
I cannot reach that soul
You're probably watching over us
Know that I think of you
It's killing me
The guilt has lasted years, still cry
It was all planned out
Why was I last to know?
Don't you trust in me?
The table's cold, it's too late
To make up for these mistakes
Maybe you can't understand
(How I feel)
I cannot reach that soul
You're probably watching over us
Know that I think of you
It's killing me
(How I feel)
If I would have known
I can't say what I would have done
If you could forgive
I'd like to rest with you someday
(How I feel)
I cannot reach that soul
You're probably watching over us
Know that I think of you
It's killing me
(How I feel)
If I would have known
I can't say what I would have done
If you could forgive
I'd like to rest with you someday
--adema--
this is just about talking about pain. someone called this hell week. yeh it is. ive decided that no date, i cant handle going on my own, so even tho i really want to go, im not goin to the prom. my rent cd has a scratch in it the size of the san andreas. so major boo for my lack of rent ness. as a rent head, with bre, im going into withdrawal. i may start singing on my own and that could lead to apocalypse. hehe. then school... everything i could be involved in, everyone else has slacked off and pulled out and im left alone with the responsibility that shouldnt onli be mine. it pisses me off. grr. hah, then the math test for tom. sochor. enough said. so i finish studying and stuff and i go downstair to get my mom to sign something and my dad is doubled over. mom told us that my dads godmother, and our great aunt had passed away a half an hour before. my dad suffers silently. as always. i dont wanna dwell here, so just know that there are tears, ya know... :o( i wonder if anything else can be added onto the pile of shit that i feel so overwhelmed by ?! i feel so terrible. so left alone. im in need of some serious hugs but theyarent coming. sigh. on march fourth, the ring comes out on DVD. oo... tres spookiness.
Rangrz99: quote of the month.....when people stop loving power and learn the power of love the world will know peace~jimi hendrix --> this is an idiot tryin to impress someone. haha. imagine this little weirdo being profound... i know, it hurts.
i may have some plans for the weekend, which im excited about, but im sure itll fall thru. it not, yay for me.
im soo afraid that because of what i feel has been happening to me, that myoutlook has been killed. i dont look at things the same way. i used to be unwaveringly optimistic, sarcastic, but optimistic. now i feel so negative and cynical, " not cynic, realist." i dont like how i feel or sound or how i feel things. o my. things have gotta change!! " and onli in their dreams can men truly be free " i need to change. maybe thats how i can be happy. my dreams? hmm.. how .... woo. how can i be happy. even in wickes class, some fool-osophor said that happiness is the ultimate goal of human life. well.....damnit thats all i want. hehe.
" if you reach deep inside youll see my heart is true "
" in the midst of darkness, lord, my spirit calls 4 you "
There's so many people dying
You complain about your situation
What about me?
Half the world wouldn't know
What it's like to lose your seed
Maybe you can understand
(How I feel)
I cannot reach that soul
You're probably watching over us
Know that I think of you
It's killing me
The guilt has lasted years, still cry
It was all planned out
Why was I last to know?
Don't you trust in me?
The table's cold, it's too late
To make up for these mistakes
Maybe you can't understand
(How I feel)
I cannot reach that soul
You're probably watching over us
Know that I think of you
It's killing me
(How I feel)
If I would have known
I can't say what I would have done
If you could forgive
I'd like to rest with you someday
(How I feel)
I cannot reach that soul
You're probably watching over us
Know that I think of you
It's killing me
(How I feel)
If I would have known
I can't say what I would have done
If you could forgive
I'd like to rest with you someday
--adema--
this is just about talking about pain. someone called this hell week. yeh it is. ive decided that no date, i cant handle going on my own, so even tho i really want to go, im not goin to the prom. my rent cd has a scratch in it the size of the san andreas. so major boo for my lack of rent ness. as a rent head, with bre, im going into withdrawal. i may start singing on my own and that could lead to apocalypse. hehe. then school... everything i could be involved in, everyone else has slacked off and pulled out and im left alone with the responsibility that shouldnt onli be mine. it pisses me off. grr. hah, then the math test for tom. sochor. enough said. so i finish studying and stuff and i go downstair to get my mom to sign something and my dad is doubled over. mom told us that my dads godmother, and our great aunt had passed away a half an hour before. my dad suffers silently. as always. i dont wanna dwell here, so just know that there are tears, ya know... :o( i wonder if anything else can be added onto the pile of shit that i feel so overwhelmed by ?! i feel so terrible. so left alone. im in need of some serious hugs but theyarent coming. sigh. on march fourth, the ring comes out on DVD. oo... tres spookiness.
Rangrz99: quote of the month.....when people stop loving power and learn the power of love the world will know peace~jimi hendrix --> this is an idiot tryin to impress someone. haha. imagine this little weirdo being profound... i know, it hurts.
i may have some plans for the weekend, which im excited about, but im sure itll fall thru. it not, yay for me.
im soo afraid that because of what i feel has been happening to me, that myoutlook has been killed. i dont look at things the same way. i used to be unwaveringly optimistic, sarcastic, but optimistic. now i feel so negative and cynical, " not cynic, realist." i dont like how i feel or sound or how i feel things. o my. things have gotta change!! " and onli in their dreams can men truly be free " i need to change. maybe thats how i can be happy. my dreams? hmm.. how .... woo. how can i be happy. even in wickes class, some fool-osophor said that happiness is the ultimate goal of human life. well.....damnit thats all i want. hehe.
" if you reach deep inside youll see my heart is true "
" in the midst of darkness, lord, my spirit calls 4 you "
