Saturday, February 15, 2003
" & its beginning to snow "
~rent~
~rent~
"like a tempest to the seas, standing tall"
its post valentines day and altho the "bigger picture" outcome was a bust, i had a great day and night! i lost my harry potter valentines i bought to give out to those friends who are still friends, but i lost them in cleaning my room. however, i woke up to some goodies and a card from my mom and drove to school with the calm acceptance of knowing that nothing realli good will happen today because i dont even have a valentine. but judy michelle mrs D mike lauren nick bill and tina made me feel loved today. haha. i was expecting no love today but they made me smile. that and eating my weight in sugary goodness. lol. so it was a realli good day. i bought flowers for lauren and mom and lots of mallomars for steve. wat a cute kid i am! i decided to grin and bear the pain of a joez dance for jackie. i had a great nite. it felt realli good and needed to get out of the house. ive been sulking and realli down lately. i met jackies boy. cute kid. realli nice. maybe a lil shy but i give him two thumbs up. lol. a far away version of feeney. oo baby. haha. THE ED... id forgotten all about him. haircut and a diamond stud... looking realli good. hah. altho the music blew, as is the norm, i was groovin, with jackie,tina, cecelia, and other peoples. i was realli having fun. altho the girls timing was off. lol. but i realli like to dance. its just a lotta fun. jackie's boy's friend... when we first all got introduced i was like " hes sooo cuuuute !! " haha. after some barely heard yet ultimately confusing and rejecting stuff, haha, he got to asking me to dance. so we're dancing together. woo hoo..first time a joez boy ever asked me to dance. this kid is mad tall and bent down to the point where i was bending down too. craziness. but hes a realli good dancer. i think. haha. we danced for like 3 songs i think. soo cute!! yeh so i left realli excited and stuff. finding out afterwards that he may have a gf, drinks, and is into drugs, the attraction was over. which is fine. now. id LOVE to find a normal guy who is interested in me. a scruffy yet good guy. haha. one day i guess, one day. so i had a great valentines day!!!! goodies from daddy and mommy, lauren, and friends. and the dance... the way i see it.... a Cute Cute Cute boy asked Me to dance. lol. o did we move well together! so snaps to me!! the first really good valentines ive ever had. even if i was valentine-less and basically alone.
i slept until two today, which has never happened to me. i spent the rest of the day in slow motion. our dancing was on replay in my head. no im seriously not obsessing. between that, music, talking, and eating, i managed to do the Sochor homework. went to church. then to Camillo's!! woo hoo. cute little italian place, with great vodka sauce, meat sauce, antipasto, and the cute italian boys that fit perfectly in the cute litle italian place. but lucky for me, my periscope head (MOM) was suspended enough for me to eat some realli yummy tartufo. woo! the cute boys have been coming outta the woodwork. however, my enjoyment was put on seriously hold because altho the family went out to celebrate my 15000/yr scholarship, my parents saw it fit to make it a hour and a half of raggin on me for everything. in a playful tone they made fun of the boys ive had in my life and the friends i no longer have because theyve left me. also, lauren took it upon herself to describe the type of dancing she saw me doing with the kid. haha. the word 'grinding' came up more than once and the parentals eyeballs popped out many times. thats funny to me. Leave room for the holy spirit!!! hah . well, they just figured it was the perfect time to sit there and hurt me for a hour. seeing it as just playful razzing, they didnt understand why i got upset. im seriously smarter than my parents. "slugheads" no matter to me. it onli phased me for a moment. i take into consideration that they dont understand shit about me so therefore they are allowed to act like dumb fucks. i mean no disrespect. hah. i just mentally referred back to some realli great dancing with a CUTE CUTE CUTE kid.
"i turn around and pick up the pieces"
i really gotta shake the whole feeling shitty thing. its hard tho. i walk thru bga feeling soo alone that it paralyzes me and turns me into a deaf mute. i cant change wat other people think of me and all that bullshit. i wouldnt change who i am. because.....damnit im not that bad. i have some cute moments. i know im funny. and weird. and unique. im a pretti kick ass person. ( gettin asked to dance also boosted my self-confidence ). but yeh. im basically a pretti cool kid to be around. i just gotta wait for someone to give me a chance to be my friend now. everyone else has given up and walked away from me. so im coming outta this year with the few but TRUE friends i had coming into the year. its hard to walk around a sea of people feeling like the lonliest person in the world. it realli hurts. and i cant fix the situation on my own and i cant do anything about it. why dont people see me and like me or want to be friends, fuck if i know. " wake me up inside .... my spirits sleeping somewhere cold until you find me there and lead me back home " rite now, the epitome of how i feel. at dinner, we were plannin a lil grad party for me, possibly at camillos, family and friends they said. i said then onli expect family, i dont have anymore friends. sigh. im a realli weird funny and interesting person. i just have to wait until someone else realizes that. haha. dont hold my breath. yeh i know.
valentines day keeps me smiling tho. hehe. cute boy wanted to dance with me. ya know wat, strangers like me. and i always figured that it would be the other way ya know... that im ugly so if you get past that you will find a realli great girl inside. and then you'll love me as a friend or otherwise. but not rite now, thats not how things go. how strange aka fucked up, is that.
i made an AOL homepage of my favOUrite movie quotes and lyrics. i looove watching movies and music is wat flows thru my veins, not blood. haha. my passions. i love curling up with a good movie and some jelly bellys. and rockin out chillin to some good tunes.... best times in the world. if i onli had the company of a friend... then everything would be good. ive said Dude alot lately. im annoying myself. haha. college talk is bullshit. im realli vulgar lately.
this can officially be termed pyscho babble ( copyrite!! ) im realli bored. i better get some plans for the rest of the weekend or more long blogs to come. haha. i need a comment system is anyone knows of one thats still registering!! thanks.
" run and tell the angels that everythings alrite " ---- one day, yeh maybe :o)
its post valentines day and altho the "bigger picture" outcome was a bust, i had a great day and night! i lost my harry potter valentines i bought to give out to those friends who are still friends, but i lost them in cleaning my room. however, i woke up to some goodies and a card from my mom and drove to school with the calm acceptance of knowing that nothing realli good will happen today because i dont even have a valentine. but judy michelle mrs D mike lauren nick bill and tina made me feel loved today. haha. i was expecting no love today but they made me smile. that and eating my weight in sugary goodness. lol. so it was a realli good day. i bought flowers for lauren and mom and lots of mallomars for steve. wat a cute kid i am! i decided to grin and bear the pain of a joez dance for jackie. i had a great nite. it felt realli good and needed to get out of the house. ive been sulking and realli down lately. i met jackies boy. cute kid. realli nice. maybe a lil shy but i give him two thumbs up. lol. a far away version of feeney. oo baby. haha. THE ED... id forgotten all about him. haircut and a diamond stud... looking realli good. hah. altho the music blew, as is the norm, i was groovin, with jackie,tina, cecelia, and other peoples. i was realli having fun. altho the girls timing was off. lol. but i realli like to dance. its just a lotta fun. jackie's boy's friend... when we first all got introduced i was like " hes sooo cuuuute !! " haha. after some barely heard yet ultimately confusing and rejecting stuff, haha, he got to asking me to dance. so we're dancing together. woo hoo..first time a joez boy ever asked me to dance. this kid is mad tall and bent down to the point where i was bending down too. craziness. but hes a realli good dancer. i think. haha. we danced for like 3 songs i think. soo cute!! yeh so i left realli excited and stuff. finding out afterwards that he may have a gf, drinks, and is into drugs, the attraction was over. which is fine. now. id LOVE to find a normal guy who is interested in me. a scruffy yet good guy. haha. one day i guess, one day. so i had a great valentines day!!!! goodies from daddy and mommy, lauren, and friends. and the dance... the way i see it.... a Cute Cute Cute boy asked Me to dance. lol. o did we move well together! so snaps to me!! the first really good valentines ive ever had. even if i was valentine-less and basically alone.
i slept until two today, which has never happened to me. i spent the rest of the day in slow motion. our dancing was on replay in my head. no im seriously not obsessing. between that, music, talking, and eating, i managed to do the Sochor homework. went to church. then to Camillo's!! woo hoo. cute little italian place, with great vodka sauce, meat sauce, antipasto, and the cute italian boys that fit perfectly in the cute litle italian place. but lucky for me, my periscope head (MOM) was suspended enough for me to eat some realli yummy tartufo. woo! the cute boys have been coming outta the woodwork. however, my enjoyment was put on seriously hold because altho the family went out to celebrate my 15000/yr scholarship, my parents saw it fit to make it a hour and a half of raggin on me for everything. in a playful tone they made fun of the boys ive had in my life and the friends i no longer have because theyve left me. also, lauren took it upon herself to describe the type of dancing she saw me doing with the kid. haha. the word 'grinding' came up more than once and the parentals eyeballs popped out many times. thats funny to me. Leave room for the holy spirit!!! hah . well, they just figured it was the perfect time to sit there and hurt me for a hour. seeing it as just playful razzing, they didnt understand why i got upset. im seriously smarter than my parents. "slugheads" no matter to me. it onli phased me for a moment. i take into consideration that they dont understand shit about me so therefore they are allowed to act like dumb fucks. i mean no disrespect. hah. i just mentally referred back to some realli great dancing with a CUTE CUTE CUTE kid.
"i turn around and pick up the pieces"
i really gotta shake the whole feeling shitty thing. its hard tho. i walk thru bga feeling soo alone that it paralyzes me and turns me into a deaf mute. i cant change wat other people think of me and all that bullshit. i wouldnt change who i am. because.....damnit im not that bad. i have some cute moments. i know im funny. and weird. and unique. im a pretti kick ass person. ( gettin asked to dance also boosted my self-confidence ). but yeh. im basically a pretti cool kid to be around. i just gotta wait for someone to give me a chance to be my friend now. everyone else has given up and walked away from me. so im coming outta this year with the few but TRUE friends i had coming into the year. its hard to walk around a sea of people feeling like the lonliest person in the world. it realli hurts. and i cant fix the situation on my own and i cant do anything about it. why dont people see me and like me or want to be friends, fuck if i know. " wake me up inside .... my spirits sleeping somewhere cold until you find me there and lead me back home " rite now, the epitome of how i feel. at dinner, we were plannin a lil grad party for me, possibly at camillos, family and friends they said. i said then onli expect family, i dont have anymore friends. sigh. im a realli weird funny and interesting person. i just have to wait until someone else realizes that. haha. dont hold my breath. yeh i know.
valentines day keeps me smiling tho. hehe. cute boy wanted to dance with me. ya know wat, strangers like me. and i always figured that it would be the other way ya know... that im ugly so if you get past that you will find a realli great girl inside. and then you'll love me as a friend or otherwise. but not rite now, thats not how things go. how strange aka fucked up, is that.
i made an AOL homepage of my favOUrite movie quotes and lyrics. i looove watching movies and music is wat flows thru my veins, not blood. haha. my passions. i love curling up with a good movie and some jelly bellys. and rockin out chillin to some good tunes.... best times in the world. if i onli had the company of a friend... then everything would be good. ive said Dude alot lately. im annoying myself. haha. college talk is bullshit. im realli vulgar lately.
this can officially be termed pyscho babble ( copyrite!! ) im realli bored. i better get some plans for the rest of the weekend or more long blogs to come. haha. i need a comment system is anyone knows of one thats still registering!! thanks.
" run and tell the angels that everythings alrite " ---- one day, yeh maybe :o)
