Wednesday, September 11, 2002
so many songs in the world, i dont know which one to pick! decisions, decisions. the first day of school was short, and painless. my schedule is basically smooth. helping out lauren made me feel cool. haha. yesterday was harsh as hell and as serious as a heart attack. im petrified of sochors class.
but o well. things were better today. it was a day to remember and to be reflective. i did my own praying today. i realized that i am special and if anything, im the onli one who knows that completely. if no one else takes the time, its there loss. ill be fine. one day. i was picking up some stuff yesterday with my mom, just some odds and ends for school and we got to talking and we realized that i had really changed for the worst. there was a time, not so long ago, when i was happy.. i could do anything and handle anything ... i was relentless and strong. i was really living. then sumthing happened. something had to of happened. i dont kow what tho. but i was happy and now im not. i kinda have an idea of what coulda triggered the change in my spirit. i gotta just let go. turn around from it and never look back. so i guess thank god that im not gonna have to see "it" at any time during school. ive had such a hard time every time i tried to let go. i dont want to but i have to. perhaps thats whats killing me. im not myself anyone. there was that time, i liked who i was and nothing could bring me down. i believed in myself. im not sure how to get back to that, but im walking away now. i wanna go back to the old me, i liked that version. so did other people. but not anymore. so i gotta just start over. somehow.
onto a funnier note...our bus consists of st joes kids and bga kids. the st joes kids..i hate them. they are horrible. and today they threw a crushed soda can at lauren, my sister. i was listening to music. so it hit her in the back of the head ( no this isnt the funny part ) and it hurt and she started to cry. well fuck that. i got up turned off the music turned around and went off to ranting and raving to those scared shitless pricks. the little girl sitting in the front, screaming like a psycho, haha. it was great. when i was done yelling and threatening and cursing and questioning and challenging... those boys were just staring with mouths wide open. everyone was like " omigod " it was funny as hell looking back. but no one fucks with me and my family. not even with lauren. so i stepped up. needless to say, they walked up to her and apologized loud enough for me to hear. heheh. good times.
well thats enough for now i guess. i think ill be ok sometime soon. i hope. ::nervous chuckle:: anyone think ill be ok someday?
"barely treading water knowing i will not give up"
but o well. things were better today. it was a day to remember and to be reflective. i did my own praying today. i realized that i am special and if anything, im the onli one who knows that completely. if no one else takes the time, its there loss. ill be fine. one day. i was picking up some stuff yesterday with my mom, just some odds and ends for school and we got to talking and we realized that i had really changed for the worst. there was a time, not so long ago, when i was happy.. i could do anything and handle anything ... i was relentless and strong. i was really living. then sumthing happened. something had to of happened. i dont kow what tho. but i was happy and now im not. i kinda have an idea of what coulda triggered the change in my spirit. i gotta just let go. turn around from it and never look back. so i guess thank god that im not gonna have to see "it" at any time during school. ive had such a hard time every time i tried to let go. i dont want to but i have to. perhaps thats whats killing me. im not myself anyone. there was that time, i liked who i was and nothing could bring me down. i believed in myself. im not sure how to get back to that, but im walking away now. i wanna go back to the old me, i liked that version. so did other people. but not anymore. so i gotta just start over. somehow.
onto a funnier note...our bus consists of st joes kids and bga kids. the st joes kids..i hate them. they are horrible. and today they threw a crushed soda can at lauren, my sister. i was listening to music. so it hit her in the back of the head ( no this isnt the funny part ) and it hurt and she started to cry. well fuck that. i got up turned off the music turned around and went off to ranting and raving to those scared shitless pricks. the little girl sitting in the front, screaming like a psycho, haha. it was great. when i was done yelling and threatening and cursing and questioning and challenging... those boys were just staring with mouths wide open. everyone was like " omigod " it was funny as hell looking back. but no one fucks with me and my family. not even with lauren. so i stepped up. needless to say, they walked up to her and apologized loud enough for me to hear. heheh. good times.
well thats enough for now i guess. i think ill be ok sometime soon. i hope. ::nervous chuckle:: anyone think ill be ok someday?
"barely treading water knowing i will not give up"
