Saturday, August 24, 2002
"Slipping Away"
I won't let you down
The words you said to me
It's echoing the sound
Of what would never be
I'm standing here alone
The memories remain
The same familiar home
But nothing looks the same
And I'm standing here alone
Can't tell if I'm awake
Reality is gone
In a dream I can't escape
You said
Hold on
But I feel like
I'm slipping away
I'm getting through it now
I guess it's plain to see
That everything I am
Is not everything you need
--TRUSTcompany
well, yesterday was a pretty eventless day, but a good one nonetheless i suppose. i went shopping with my mom, she wanted to get some new clothes. how cute. i told her i wanted to make sure that she didnt look like a frumpy old grandma.... she found that pretti funny. and i bought a cute pair of white sneaks. they are a 2 1/2. i was sitting there tryin em on, while the little kids next to me were sporting powerpuff girls light up sneakers. it was pretti funny. hey ali, those imitation cons, i showed my mom and she bought me a pair when i wasnt looking....how great is that. i finished all my summer reading books and im soo excited to start the count of monte cristo. "king's to you" thats soo great.
we decided that we arent gonna go to the boat this weekend.... everyones kinda beat and the weathers not looking up. and altho one of my favourite things to do down there is to watch the thunder and lightning storms along the water... my family chose to chill up here this weekend. o well. its all good. our parish has a carnival going on til sunday. im working sunday nite but im free tonite, so if anyone wants to come down and hang out with the carnies... guys gimme a call ( 732 754 2615 ) and perhaps we could chill.
where i once saw myself as a friend, now i see that in retrospect i was a last resort. i think. "it was good while it lasted" ive been giving so much of my heart and my mind to someone and its apparently wasted. where i feel that i should give up, i dont want to. i dont know when i will, but not yet. it really sucks. i have such strong emotions towards everything, but especially this and i keep coming up empty. even matt asked me, "then why do you still..." i dont know what to say in respose to that anymore. all i know is what i feel, and its like even my emotions are in question....he said " how can you feel so strongly for someone, for so long, get nothing in return, and still not be able to let go...?" i feel foolish. "the lonely position of neutral" anyways, im kinda gettin tired of constantly really inviting people to go out with me cuz nothing ever comes of it. i guess its me. heh well, c'est la vie. such is life.
i generally have such a hyper and crazy outlook on life ... and im trying to keep that outlook up and burning. i love the way i am when im with the people i love, but the times that i get to spend with them is less and less and the number of people who love me back, i wonder if its even existent. its like, "lets see how long she can last" i know who i am and that im a good person... basically just funny and sweet. i guess theres just a lot of scarring on the surface so no one wants to look beyond that.
"theres a raging fire in my heart tonite"
"Il pleure dans mon coeur ..."
I won't let you down
The words you said to me
It's echoing the sound
Of what would never be
I'm standing here alone
The memories remain
The same familiar home
But nothing looks the same
And I'm standing here alone
Can't tell if I'm awake
Reality is gone
In a dream I can't escape
You said
Hold on
But I feel like
I'm slipping away
I'm getting through it now
I guess it's plain to see
That everything I am
Is not everything you need
--TRUSTcompany
well, yesterday was a pretty eventless day, but a good one nonetheless i suppose. i went shopping with my mom, she wanted to get some new clothes. how cute. i told her i wanted to make sure that she didnt look like a frumpy old grandma.... she found that pretti funny. and i bought a cute pair of white sneaks. they are a 2 1/2. i was sitting there tryin em on, while the little kids next to me were sporting powerpuff girls light up sneakers. it was pretti funny. hey ali, those imitation cons, i showed my mom and she bought me a pair when i wasnt looking....how great is that. i finished all my summer reading books and im soo excited to start the count of monte cristo. "king's to you" thats soo great.
we decided that we arent gonna go to the boat this weekend.... everyones kinda beat and the weathers not looking up. and altho one of my favourite things to do down there is to watch the thunder and lightning storms along the water... my family chose to chill up here this weekend. o well. its all good. our parish has a carnival going on til sunday. im working sunday nite but im free tonite, so if anyone wants to come down and hang out with the carnies... guys gimme a call ( 732 754 2615 ) and perhaps we could chill.
where i once saw myself as a friend, now i see that in retrospect i was a last resort. i think. "it was good while it lasted" ive been giving so much of my heart and my mind to someone and its apparently wasted. where i feel that i should give up, i dont want to. i dont know when i will, but not yet. it really sucks. i have such strong emotions towards everything, but especially this and i keep coming up empty. even matt asked me, "then why do you still..." i dont know what to say in respose to that anymore. all i know is what i feel, and its like even my emotions are in question....he said " how can you feel so strongly for someone, for so long, get nothing in return, and still not be able to let go...?" i feel foolish. "the lonely position of neutral" anyways, im kinda gettin tired of constantly really inviting people to go out with me cuz nothing ever comes of it. i guess its me. heh well, c'est la vie. such is life.
i generally have such a hyper and crazy outlook on life ... and im trying to keep that outlook up and burning. i love the way i am when im with the people i love, but the times that i get to spend with them is less and less and the number of people who love me back, i wonder if its even existent. its like, "lets see how long she can last" i know who i am and that im a good person... basically just funny and sweet. i guess theres just a lot of scarring on the surface so no one wants to look beyond that.
"theres a raging fire in my heart tonite"
"Il pleure dans mon coeur ..."
Thursday, August 22, 2002
It's just a ball of dust, underneath my feet
It rolls around the sun, doesn't mean that much to me
I take a chance on the edge of life, just like all the rest
I look inside and dig it out, 'cause there's no points for second best
There's a raging fire in my heart tonight
Growing higher and higher in my soul
There's a raging fire in the sky tonight
I want to ride on the silver dove
Far into the night
Till I make you take me, on your mighty wings
Make you take me, on your mighty wings across the sky
Take me on your mighty wings
Take me on your mighty wings tonight
With just a little luck, a little cold blue steel
I cut the night like a razor blade, till I feel the way I want to feel
There's a raging fire in my heart tonight
Growing higher and higher in my soul
There's a raging fire in the sky tonight
I want to ride on the silver dove
Far into the night
Till I make you take me, on your mighty wings
Make you take me, on your mighty wings across the sky
Take me on your mighty wings
Take me on your mighty wings tonight
Oh I wanna make you take me, on your mighty wings
Make you take me, on your mighty wings across the sky
Take me on your mighty wings
Take me on your mighty wings tonight
On your mighty wings
Make you take me, on your mighty wings across the sky
Take me on your mighty wings
Take me on your mighty wings
--cheap trick "might wings"
i decided to use the song for which my page has been newly entitled. i absolutely love this song. its great. "theres a raging fire in my heart tonite" it fits soo great. gotta love it.
by the time i got home yesterday i felt soo alive. i was actually feeling happy. after chillin poolside with ali and hanging, umm, "mallside" ( nope doesnt work ) with joe and running into matt shimin who didnt notice me, punk.... i had just an amazing day and the amazing-ocity, or perhaps amazingoscopy, ( yeh ali ) spilled over into today. got a new cd, good stuff...and got sum odd ass samplers and a nelly furtado video, nope im never gonna watch that one. im just in a smiley mood and it feels really good. i felt safe and happy yesterday. after i got dropped off, i walked into 20 questions with the whole family. but i had such a great day everything crappy i was feeling just left and it hasnt come back yet. im really just feeling good. and i dont want the feeling to end. " the suspense is terrible, i hope it'll last " -willy wonka
" and I wonder
when I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
the only thing I'll ever ask of you
you've got to promise not to stop when I say when "
today we drove over to staten island for my grandpas birthday... yeh gotta love matty. crabs, baked clams, clam sauce, napoleon ...good stuff. i spent allota time talkin to my grandma and she told me soooo much about her family and everything and i watched these old videos of when my mother was a kid and all that... they were always with the brothers and sisters and cousins and i really really wish i was alive ( yes i know its impossible ) to know them all. especially uncle mikey and my cousin michael. they seemed soo awesome. it was amazing. i loved watching those movies and makin my grandpa laugh like that. good times. this was one of the best times that i had over there in such a long time.
for the first time in a really long time i feel alive. ive had such a great time, i really hope the people i was with enjoyed themselves yesterday somewhat or ill feel bad, but what can you do....."goodnite never never land "
It rolls around the sun, doesn't mean that much to me
I take a chance on the edge of life, just like all the rest
I look inside and dig it out, 'cause there's no points for second best
There's a raging fire in my heart tonight
Growing higher and higher in my soul
There's a raging fire in the sky tonight
I want to ride on the silver dove
Far into the night
Till I make you take me, on your mighty wings
Make you take me, on your mighty wings across the sky
Take me on your mighty wings
Take me on your mighty wings tonight
With just a little luck, a little cold blue steel
I cut the night like a razor blade, till I feel the way I want to feel
There's a raging fire in my heart tonight
Growing higher and higher in my soul
There's a raging fire in the sky tonight
I want to ride on the silver dove
Far into the night
Till I make you take me, on your mighty wings
Make you take me, on your mighty wings across the sky
Take me on your mighty wings
Take me on your mighty wings tonight
Oh I wanna make you take me, on your mighty wings
Make you take me, on your mighty wings across the sky
Take me on your mighty wings
Take me on your mighty wings tonight
On your mighty wings
Make you take me, on your mighty wings across the sky
Take me on your mighty wings
Take me on your mighty wings
--cheap trick "might wings"
i decided to use the song for which my page has been newly entitled. i absolutely love this song. its great. "theres a raging fire in my heart tonite" it fits soo great. gotta love it.
by the time i got home yesterday i felt soo alive. i was actually feeling happy. after chillin poolside with ali and hanging, umm, "mallside" ( nope doesnt work ) with joe and running into matt shimin who didnt notice me, punk.... i had just an amazing day and the amazing-ocity, or perhaps amazingoscopy, ( yeh ali ) spilled over into today. got a new cd, good stuff...and got sum odd ass samplers and a nelly furtado video, nope im never gonna watch that one. im just in a smiley mood and it feels really good. i felt safe and happy yesterday. after i got dropped off, i walked into 20 questions with the whole family. but i had such a great day everything crappy i was feeling just left and it hasnt come back yet. im really just feeling good. and i dont want the feeling to end. " the suspense is terrible, i hope it'll last " -willy wonka
" and I wonder
when I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
the only thing I'll ever ask of you
you've got to promise not to stop when I say when "
today we drove over to staten island for my grandpas birthday... yeh gotta love matty. crabs, baked clams, clam sauce, napoleon ...good stuff. i spent allota time talkin to my grandma and she told me soooo much about her family and everything and i watched these old videos of when my mother was a kid and all that... they were always with the brothers and sisters and cousins and i really really wish i was alive ( yes i know its impossible ) to know them all. especially uncle mikey and my cousin michael. they seemed soo awesome. it was amazing. i loved watching those movies and makin my grandpa laugh like that. good times. this was one of the best times that i had over there in such a long time.
for the first time in a really long time i feel alive. ive had such a great time, i really hope the people i was with enjoyed themselves yesterday somewhat or ill feel bad, but what can you do....."goodnite never never land "
Wednesday, August 21, 2002
" the lonely position of neutral "
I have a lot to write, but its more of the same anguish... so all im gonna say is that this morning my little hamster, Bradlee died. my little buddy.
Tuesday, August 20, 2002
Was raining in my heart
Falling deep inside of me
Drowning in my soul
This silence rushes over me
I am breath against this fire
And I will not turn away
I'm waiting for time to carry me
Like a tempest to the sea
Standing strong
Watching over
Love will keep me believing
Thru the dark...can you hear me calling
Holding on when I'm dreaming
Love is all...Love is all
Thundering on high
Love was all I knew before I fell
And now the shots of man
Are echoing inside myself
I am breath against this fire
And I will not turn away
I'm waiting for time to carry me
Like a tempset to the sea
Standing strong
Watching over
yanni tribute "love is all"
Falling deep inside of me
Drowning in my soul
This silence rushes over me
I am breath against this fire
And I will not turn away
I'm waiting for time to carry me
Like a tempest to the sea
Standing strong
Watching over
Love will keep me believing
Thru the dark...can you hear me calling
Holding on when I'm dreaming
Love is all...Love is all
Thundering on high
Love was all I knew before I fell
And now the shots of man
Are echoing inside myself
I am breath against this fire
And I will not turn away
I'm waiting for time to carry me
Like a tempset to the sea
Standing strong
Watching over
yanni tribute "love is all"
Sunday, August 18, 2002
"deep inside your eyes i am blinded by your love, still i run so far just to find that i'm alone again"
EVERLONG
Hello
I've waited here for you
Everlong
Tonight
I throw myself into
and out of the red out of her head she sang
Come down and waste away with me
down with me
Slow out you wanted it to be
over my head, out of my head she sang
and I wonder
when I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
the only thing I'll ever ask of you
you've got to promise not to stop when I say when
Breathe out
so I can breathe you in
Hold you in
and now
I know you've always been
out of your head out of my head i sang
foo fighters
heard the acoustic version on the radio today. lifted my spirits for a bit. i still feel alone but i actually know im alone this time. i know that ill be alrite, sooner or later and now i know that i have to take care of myself. i know for sure that no one else cares so ill do it on my own. "im gonna go where im goin on my own" no one cares and ill depend on myself. ive stopped looking for other people to care for me or wanna be with me. im not gonna write about this shit anymore. so people have been writing about the superficial shit that they want... jesus, all i want are friends. "and id give it all away, just to have someone to come home to"
"The Middle"
Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out or
looked down on.
Just try your best, try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
Hey, you know they're all the same.
You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in.
Live right now.
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out or
looked down on.
Just do your best, do everything you can.
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
jimmy eat world
so yeh.... this last song is perfect. the whole cd fits into my heart perfectly... i wish i could just write all the lyrics and just say "see there, cant you read, this is how i feel"
"In My Head"
I'm reaching out without a sound
My pride falls to the floor again
Inside my mind I search to find
A place just to call my own
Deep inside your eyes
I am blinded by your love
Still I run so far just to find that
I'm alone again
In my head
I hear you calling me
And I can't run ‘cause there's nothing left for me
When I fall you always follow me deep inside
Deep inside
Deep inside of my head
I just can't last as these feelings pass
Once again I hide the pain inside
The smile wears thin and the lies begin
To bring me down again
When I run I run so far away from you
I hide the pain and all the lies deep inside again
And all my faith I put in you
This time you take it all away
Inside my head
Deep inside
My head
12 stones
Hello
I've waited here for you
Everlong
Tonight
I throw myself into
and out of the red out of her head she sang
Come down and waste away with me
down with me
Slow out you wanted it to be
over my head, out of my head she sang
and I wonder
when I sing along with you
If everything could ever feel this real forever
If anything could ever be this good again
the only thing I'll ever ask of you
you've got to promise not to stop when I say when
Breathe out
so I can breathe you in
Hold you in
and now
I know you've always been
out of your head out of my head i sang
foo fighters
heard the acoustic version on the radio today. lifted my spirits for a bit. i still feel alone but i actually know im alone this time. i know that ill be alrite, sooner or later and now i know that i have to take care of myself. i know for sure that no one else cares so ill do it on my own. "im gonna go where im goin on my own" no one cares and ill depend on myself. ive stopped looking for other people to care for me or wanna be with me. im not gonna write about this shit anymore. so people have been writing about the superficial shit that they want... jesus, all i want are friends. "and id give it all away, just to have someone to come home to"
"The Middle"
Hey, don't write yourself off yet
It's only in your head you feel left out or
looked down on.
Just try your best, try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
Hey, you know they're all the same.
You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in.
Live right now.
Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out or
looked down on.
Just do your best, do everything you can.
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say.
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright).
jimmy eat world
so yeh.... this last song is perfect. the whole cd fits into my heart perfectly... i wish i could just write all the lyrics and just say "see there, cant you read, this is how i feel"
"In My Head"
I'm reaching out without a sound
My pride falls to the floor again
Inside my mind I search to find
A place just to call my own
Deep inside your eyes
I am blinded by your love
Still I run so far just to find that
I'm alone again
In my head
I hear you calling me
And I can't run ‘cause there's nothing left for me
When I fall you always follow me deep inside
Deep inside
Deep inside of my head
I just can't last as these feelings pass
Once again I hide the pain inside
The smile wears thin and the lies begin
To bring me down again
When I run I run so far away from you
I hide the pain and all the lies deep inside again
And all my faith I put in you
This time you take it all away
Inside my head
Deep inside
My head
12 stones
