Saturday, March 02, 2002
wow. i just wrote a realli nice long post, and kablam, its gone. so here it goes again. hmm i wonder how much incoherent babble i can recreate!
You fell away
What more can I say?
The feeling's evolved
I won't let it out
I can't replace
Your screaming face
Feeling the sin in system
Why won't you die?
Your blood and mine
We'll be fine
Then your body will be mine
So many words
Can't describe my face
This feeling's evolved
So soon to break out
I can't relate
To a happy state
Feeling the blood run inside
Why won't you die?
Your blood and mine
We'll be fine
Then your body will be mine
Why is everything so fucking hard for me?
Keep me down to watch you sink - I should pay
Must you tell me I provoke the ministry?
Keep on trying I won't die so easily
(I will not die!)
Why is everything so fucking hard for me?
(I will not die!)
Why is everything so fucking hard for me?
(I will not die!)
Why won't you die?
Your blood and mine
We'll be fine
Then your body will be mine
Why won't you die
Your blood and mine
We'll be fine
Then your body will be mine
System -- Chester Bennington
well i picked up the soundtrack for queen of the damned with jackie tonight. chester from lp is featured. i love this song. it kicks. well the orange crack was particularly potent tonight. im still pretti hyper. ( ur spiderman -- alrite i wont say anymore about that).
well, on friday i wrote you a note. i wanted to write you a not, ask you, and talk to you. i havent heard from you since. you havent spoken to me since you got that note. if it weirded you out or got you mad or upset, or whatever im sorry. forget i asked you. forget i even wrote the note. i just want to talk to you again. im being irrational and paranoid. please just talk to me.
well heheh, i just found this quote from mike and brad of linkin park. i think its funny as hell, as most of their quotes are, wouldnt you agree jackie? heheh. well i thought that this quote was relevant for myself and my london buddies. so for all of us who will be "chillin with big ben" heheh. its funny, altho i wouldnt suggest experimenting with the guards like that.
Mike: "You know those guards with the hats? The ones that don't move. Can you touch them? Can oyu, like, stick your thumb up their butts and they wouldn't move?"
Brad: "At that point wouldn't they, like, destroy you?"
heheh alrite well, ive been struck with a major case of stuttering dyslexia today and i havent made any sense at all today. i havent made a coherent sentence in a while, so im gonna get sum rest. heheh. ill prolli post later, when the room stops spinning.
You fell away
What more can I say?
The feeling's evolved
I won't let it out
I can't replace
Your screaming face
Feeling the sin in system
Why won't you die?
Your blood and mine
We'll be fine
Then your body will be mine
So many words
Can't describe my face
This feeling's evolved
So soon to break out
I can't relate
To a happy state
Feeling the blood run inside
Why won't you die?
Your blood and mine
We'll be fine
Then your body will be mine
Why is everything so fucking hard for me?
Keep me down to watch you sink - I should pay
Must you tell me I provoke the ministry?
Keep on trying I won't die so easily
(I will not die!)
Why is everything so fucking hard for me?
(I will not die!)
Why is everything so fucking hard for me?
(I will not die!)
Why won't you die?
Your blood and mine
We'll be fine
Then your body will be mine
Why won't you die
Your blood and mine
We'll be fine
Then your body will be mine
System -- Chester Bennington
well i picked up the soundtrack for queen of the damned with jackie tonight. chester from lp is featured. i love this song. it kicks. well the orange crack was particularly potent tonight. im still pretti hyper. ( ur spiderman -- alrite i wont say anymore about that).
well, on friday i wrote you a note. i wanted to write you a not, ask you, and talk to you. i havent heard from you since. you havent spoken to me since you got that note. if it weirded you out or got you mad or upset, or whatever im sorry. forget i asked you. forget i even wrote the note. i just want to talk to you again. im being irrational and paranoid. please just talk to me.
well heheh, i just found this quote from mike and brad of linkin park. i think its funny as hell, as most of their quotes are, wouldnt you agree jackie? heheh. well i thought that this quote was relevant for myself and my london buddies. so for all of us who will be "chillin with big ben" heheh. its funny, altho i wouldnt suggest experimenting with the guards like that.
Mike: "You know those guards with the hats? The ones that don't move. Can you touch them? Can oyu, like, stick your thumb up their butts and they wouldn't move?"
Brad: "At that point wouldn't they, like, destroy you?"
heheh alrite well, ive been struck with a major case of stuttering dyslexia today and i havent made any sense at all today. i havent made a coherent sentence in a while, so im gonna get sum rest. heheh. ill prolli post later, when the room stops spinning.
Thursday, February 28, 2002
Oh here you are
There's nothing left to say
You're not supposed to be that way
Did they push you out?
Did they throw you away?
Touch me now and I don't care
When you take me I'm not there
Almost human, but I'll never be the same
Long way down, I don't think I'll make it on my own
Long way down, I don't want to live in here alone
Long way down, I don't think I'll make it on my own
I never put you down
I never pushed you away
You're not supposed to be that way
I'm anything you want
There's nothing I could say
Is there anything to feel?
Is it pain that makes you real?
Cut me off before it kills me
Long way down, I don't think I'll make it on my own
Long way down, I don't want to live in here alone
Long way down, I don't think I'll make it on my own
I never put you down
I never pushed you away
Take another piece of me
Give my mind a new disease
And the black and white world never fades to gray
Long way down, I don't think I'll make it on my own
Long way down, I don't want to live in here alone
Long way down, I don't think I'll make it on my own
- Long Way Down goo goo dolls
ive been going thru such a roller coaster of emotions lately, that i cant even put into words everything ive been feeling. well, the song is one of my all time favorites. old goo goo dolls rock. as for my feelings, today everyone seemed really off. my heart is such a mess. ive been thinking so much about love lately. well, my situation sucks beyond all belief. i swear if one more person ever mentions the prom, im gonna cry or explode, or both. im tired of being alone. i wonder if its stupid of me to like that one person as much as i do. i mean, its not like i can change how i feel, and i wouldnt want to even if i could, but im of little consequence to anyone, especially him. it makes me so sad. i cant write that much right now. i really cant channel anything im feeling into words rite now. so if anyone wants to give me a call, feel free. ill post when i can make some sense of my fucked up heart.
Being near you is A gift I only wish I could treasure ... Feels like I'm falling I'm all on my own.
Sunday, February 24, 2002
well, i havent posted in awhile. lately i have felt more alone and lost than i ever have in my life. but rite now im on a temporary high from saturday night. my parents took me out to sayreville bar, just the three of us. we never do that anymore and i actually enjoyed it. first off, before we went inside i saw this guy with bright orange hair and he came over and gave me a big hug. i didnt realize that it was a boy a graduated grammar school with. it was cool to see kevin. thank god he lost the squeaky voice, heheh. so anyway, we went inside and i was seated my a girl from my 2nd grade class. it was soo weird. and the night got weirder. one of our servers was another boy i graduated with. jackie! it was kenny! and he was clean shaven and totally cute !! thank god he lost the werewolf look. jack, our boy lifts all year, plays football, and drives a camaro. haha quite a package haha. the weirdest part of the whole night was when out of nowhere, one of the guys who worked there, slid my further into seat and sat down. it was realli odd. now this one was another guy who went to OLV, but left in 4th. we used to be really good friends. it was cool. lil jonathan. it was funny, he used to be shorter than me. but hes grown and got ALOT cuter. heheh. he kept comin back to our table to talk to me!! like four times. it was great. he's such a sweeti. and too cute. if was a good night. the result of that was really weird. i kept thinkin about him all day today. heheh.
last week was a nightmare. i cried for three days straight and i couldnt kick the clouds looming over me this time. ive never felt more lost and alone than how i felt this past week. i had no one to go to. and thats all i wanted. i needed sumone to just hug me and i couldnt find that comfort. i was so tired of always starting the conversations, or the IMs. the onli time i talk to people is when i start the conversations and it just added to my lonliness. last week i was prayin to find sumone who cared, and i came up empty handed. it all hurt soo bad. i cant describe it. my mom asked me why my phone seemed to stop ringing all of a sudden. i was tired of being the one always making the calls. there were a few people who i just wanted to call and talk to, but i couldnt. i felt like no one in the world would want to talk to me. hell, no one ever does. other people choose to be introverted and isolated. i fight with my life to get away from isolation and i cant. i wish i could find people that cared about me. but it seems like everything and everyone has changed. even those who remotely cared, left. i feel like my life is nonexistent. all ive ever wanted were people to care for me. ::sighs:: im so tired of fighting. argh. im tired.
im in basically an ok mood rite now. i hung out with breanne on saturday and thats always fun. Thats to bre for this fine spanish quote. we are soo silly, its great. shes maybe the one person who will always care. 16 years of friendship will do that. however shes 45 minutes away and has too many friends. im on the bottom of hte friendship totem pole. and johnathan keeps finding his way into my thoughts. ill have to wonder over the Sayreville Bar next saturday. its the onli night he works. heheh. but still, i dont like him, really. just a new fascination. there is still that boy, who i continue to like and feel so strongly for. ::sighs:: i cant handle to talk much more about that.
"Bob deseo el pollo.
Bob pedido en globo scular.
No sea como Bob.
Aprenda Una lengua extranjera."
"Bob wants chicken.
Bob ordered an eye ball.
Dont be like Bob.
Learn a foreign language."
my heart hurts so much rite now i feel like i cant handle it anymore. im goin to bed. sweet dreams.
last week was a nightmare. i cried for three days straight and i couldnt kick the clouds looming over me this time. ive never felt more lost and alone than how i felt this past week. i had no one to go to. and thats all i wanted. i needed sumone to just hug me and i couldnt find that comfort. i was so tired of always starting the conversations, or the IMs. the onli time i talk to people is when i start the conversations and it just added to my lonliness. last week i was prayin to find sumone who cared, and i came up empty handed. it all hurt soo bad. i cant describe it. my mom asked me why my phone seemed to stop ringing all of a sudden. i was tired of being the one always making the calls. there were a few people who i just wanted to call and talk to, but i couldnt. i felt like no one in the world would want to talk to me. hell, no one ever does. other people choose to be introverted and isolated. i fight with my life to get away from isolation and i cant. i wish i could find people that cared about me. but it seems like everything and everyone has changed. even those who remotely cared, left. i feel like my life is nonexistent. all ive ever wanted were people to care for me. ::sighs:: im so tired of fighting. argh. im tired.
im in basically an ok mood rite now. i hung out with breanne on saturday and thats always fun. Thats to bre for this fine spanish quote. we are soo silly, its great. shes maybe the one person who will always care. 16 years of friendship will do that. however shes 45 minutes away and has too many friends. im on the bottom of hte friendship totem pole. and johnathan keeps finding his way into my thoughts. ill have to wonder over the Sayreville Bar next saturday. its the onli night he works. heheh. but still, i dont like him, really. just a new fascination. there is still that boy, who i continue to like and feel so strongly for. ::sighs:: i cant handle to talk much more about that.
"Bob deseo el pollo.
Bob pedido en globo scular.
No sea como Bob.
Aprenda Una lengua extranjera."
"Bob wants chicken.
Bob ordered an eye ball.
Dont be like Bob.
Learn a foreign language."
my heart hurts so much rite now i feel like i cant handle it anymore. im goin to bed. sweet dreams.
