Take Me On Your Mighty Wings Across the Sky

i dont have anymore to say really. i read someone's blog and now im realli realli mad and kinda confused. i have to figure it all out, but not now. it doesnt make any sense. and there is no basis for anything that was said. if sumone knows wat im talking about, and knows wat the person's saying.... let me know. otherwise, i dont care rite now. that person doesnt know me and i have no idea wat shes tryin to say to me. well, ok, i have one idea. and my friend agrees with me, on one of her motives. and so help her god if our hypothesized motive is her real motive. and if im right about it, then im mad, but more than that im scared...because i think they will do wat she want. i dont wanna think about it now. as for the whole thing, to the mysterious blogger.... how dare you !! i dont wanna rite anymore....

ill do it sum other time. im just gonna put in a fun "light-hearted song"......

"Sugar In Your Gas Tank"


If I had a scheme for everything,
that's exactly sure then i could change it all, it all, it all


If I had it in me to stop my random thoughts,
and my dumb dreams
I could deal with this nonstop spinning world.


If only I could say that everything's ok
take a good look
and look the other way,
frustration, hell, who needs it anyway.


If I had it in me to stop my random thoughts,
and my dumb dreams
I could deal with this nonstop spinning world,
yeah this nonstop spinning world,
yeah this nonstop spinning world


I'd rather sit back,
and just smoke cigarettes.
be the one with the loudest mouth
be the most closed minded as I could get
and just smoke cigarettes.
be the one with the loudest mouth
be the most closed minded as I could get,
yeah as I could get,
yeah as I could get


If I had a scheme for everything,
that's exactly sure then i could change it all, it all, it all


If I had it in me to stop my random thoughts,
and my dumb dreams
I could deal with this nonstop spinning world,
yeah this nonstop spinning world,
yeah this nonstop spinning world,
yeah this nonstop spinning world.

Less Than Jake

im doing a little bit better. the worries and doubts that i had in my head last night, well most of them were put to rest. to put it simply the people who care, well you can find that list on my comments page. i should've doubted certain people and im sorry for that. i got so emotional last nite that i couldnt see two feet in front of me and i couldnt hear anything anybody was telling me. but im alrite now. im a little better. jackie joe and breanne helped me out. heh, i swear me and bre share the same brain she and joe pulled me thru it. breanne, you're my girl...haha. my lil french friend breanne says "allo"

john spun me around and that is always fun. that is one of hte onli perks of being little. haha. you can get spun around and stuff. altho nothing surpasses john and paul playin catch with me in paris. that was the best. haha

mike wore a hula shirt...thats all ima say about that haha.

jack if you reading this, i want you to know that you are one of the onli people that i can count on right now. and ur one of my best friends. i hope you know that. and as for who i like, im not telling anyone jackie. its not that i dont trust you, hell id trust you with my life..... there are other things that go along with that guy and i dont wanna open myself up to telling anyone. my obmission has nothing to do with you or anyone else. so talk to me, ill always be here and i know that you will too. you are my best friend in school and just wanted you to know that i trust you, that i can always count on you, lean on you, and cry and bitch and moan to you...haha...arent you feeling lucky rite now..

ya know its realli weird i spent most of hte battle of classes tournament just thinking. about everything. i dont kno why but its all i wanted to do. interrupted occasionally but a friend or sumptin. it was just realli odd. i wanted nothing more than to retract into my own world. but i occasionally got pulled out which im realli thankful for. joe visited me in homeroom. and helen in homeroom....she was being silly again. me and jackie are always silly so mr. wicke doesnt have to worri...rite jack!! it was a fun day but i was just in a realli oddball mood.

and jackie kept everything on the up and up. i mean the cows hit the house...haha. i had so much fun and im sorry that i downplayed that yesterday. my emotions clouded up my mind. but... there are green m&m's... that controversy has been put to rest. so i didnt get to ride home on my pimp bus yesterday ( it has been named such because of our tinted windows -- yes our bus is ballin). we took a bumpy bus ride on jack's bus. and ritu was there too. we made pizza! whoa! me, in a kitchen...huh-ho!. haha i cant use knives...like jackie said...sharp part goes down! oooo! haha. wahoos r addicting and twizzlers are aerodynamic....i was chucking them around her room. man are we funny ducks. well, chester lost his pants, but no worries mates, we found em. lets see....omigod that guy in the video store... he was gorgeous mwuahaha! and the eyebrow ring and the sarcasm was great. haha. sarcasm...you gotta love it. jackies mom was spazzin out but it just helped me to see that my family isnt the onli group of people who are criminally insane at certain points in the day. realli jackie i didnt mind. so anyway, then came the demonic furby --- "shut the up, jackass..i smoke crack! i will spit acid in ur eyes and blind you !!" i was spazzing out in front of the computer...i was grooving ...ha ha yeh jack i know i cant sing or dance but it was fun. at least i didnt spit water on the computer again. haha. but those cows!! omigod !! ima fidget-y widget midget. we are too funny.

ive noticed that i have been getting dirty looks from a certain girl but ya know wat....f*ck her. i dont need her and i dont care. she isnt a part of my life. i have suspicions as to why these death stares are getting shot at me but o well. so that covers that whole situation. ha... im so nice, arent i.

"And things will get better. 'things are getting better all the time.' " thank you for talkin to me last nite joe. it helped more than you know. i cant believe i doubted you and yeh it was a mistake but im not sorry because now i understand that we are just both god-awfully quiet people. i dont wanna get into this again. but that you for last nite. it helped to clear alot of the mess that was covering my eyes and preventing me from seeing.

so my family went out last night for dinner at the sayreville bar.... yumyum. they have great food. it was weird because my mom told me that they saw kenny from OLV. he works there now. it was funny because the minute i heard his name i was just like "asshole." but i know that he got cute over these coupla years. haha, HE was asking about Me. thats way too funny. the onli times i see him are in church but i dont talk to him. but i thought that he was always a jerk. ive certainly changed since OLV... well almost completely, i havent realli grown but we arent gonna get into. so ill give him the benefit of the doubt. he said that he wanted to get together with me and hang out and "tell her to stop by the restaurant and il drive by ur house." haha...interesting. the boy drives an 88 camaro. so thats cool. altho my dad was quick to point out the hot ride that i drive. haha. so thats cool i guess. altho i dont that this kid has done a complete 180 on the personality scale... o well. we'll see wat happens.

wow ive written alot and i feel like i have so much more to write.

breanne sent me a realli cool song. its almost goo goo dolls ish. hmm. dashboard confessional "again i go unnoticed" well i like it and thats wat im listening to.

i gotta babysit this afternoon at 3 and the parents are just goin to a movie and maybe dinner so im hoping i get outta there soon. if so.... anyone absolutely anyone...gimme a call, maybe we can do sumthing tonight. ill need help gettin back to reality after a coupla hours with kids. i love little kids, realli i do...but after awhile i just want to run away, especially with these two. they dont shut up.... ever. so if anyone free tonight gimme a call.

im goin to go now.. im hungry so im gonna go eat sum cold pizza. PIZZA! buhbye for now.

i wish i would stop crying.


im slowly being destroyed. even after late ;ast night, i was doing perfectly fine. i had done it. breanne said " im proud of you, that you told the truth and said wat you felt." i thought i was fine with it. the current situation was perfectly fine with me. it was special and made me happy. and i dont kno wat happened. in reality, nothing happened, but i went thru battle of the classes faking a happiness that i realli wished was real. in the gym, i wanted nothing more than to break down and cry. michelle, at one point, turned to me and said "hey are you alrite, you look like ur gonna cry!" she ewas realli concerned and could see that there was sumthing hte matter. but i just forced myself to smile and say sumthing funny so she'd change the subject.

i went over jackies and had a such a blast. i cant even think about all lof it. the amazingly cute guy in the video store. hes sooo cute. and the movie rocked. the demonic furby, the cows hitting hte house, and a million hilarious things but they seem lessened now.


here i would normally respond to joe's blog, but theres nothing to say. heheh i was just thinking about john's spinning me around this morning. that was five seconds of genuine fun. wow.... five seconds. i came home from jackies and in my conversations i realized sumthing. i realized that it was never a friendship. it was me, reaching out to sumeone else, and that person in return feeling "obliged" to talk to me. like just a mask of a friendship, for my benefit. that hurt more than anything i experienced in my conversations last nite. i cant describe wat i felt, but it just killed me. i was sooo high all day and i was just brought down soooo low in a manner of minutes. wat i thought was a genuine and special connection was someone else just feeling that they should talk to me. that they reassure me that i can always talk to them ... but i want them to be able to come to me, for any reason, hell, for no reason at all, just to talk. and i thought that i had that. but i was realli wrong. tonite realli hurt me and i kno that you didnt intend to hurt me. but i cant help but feeling that its all fake. that you feel you should just give of urself and make everyone else happy. and thats it the onli reason you talk to me. you asked me last nite, "why...?" and i told you. but i feel like i should have asked you tonite ... " why, why do you even talk to me?" there would be no answer to that question. and i know it.


my poppi is in the hospital "there realli isnt anything we can do." i feel like im dying. just about everything. im slowly being hurt and killed. i feel like everything ive ever been told has been a lie. there is no word or song that can describe wat im feeling. i need to go now.

i want to stop crying

im slowly being destroyed. even after late ;ast night, i was doing perfectly fine. i had done it. breanne said " im proud of you, that you told the truth and said wat you felt." i thought i was fine with it. the current situation was perfectly fine with me. it was special and made me happy. and i dont kno wat happened. in reality, nothing happened, but i went thru battle of the classes faking a happiness that i realli wished was real. in the gym, i wanted nothing more than to break down and cry. michelle, at one point, turned to me and said "hey are you alrite, you look like ur gonna cry!" she ewas realli concerned and could see that there was sumthing hte matter. but i just forced myself to smile and say sumthing funny so she'd change the subject.

i went over jackies and had a such a blast. i cant even think about all lof it. the amazingly cute guy in the video store. hes sooo cute. and the movie rocked. the demonic furby, the cows hitting hte house, and a million hilarious things but they seem lessened now.

here i would normally respond to joe's blog, but theres nothing to say. heheh i was just thinking about john's spinning me around this morning. that was five seconds of genuine fun. wow.... five seconds. i came home from jackies and in my conversations i realized sumthing. i realized that it was never a friendship. it was me, reaching out to sumeone else, and that person in return feeling "obliged" to talk to me. like just a mask of a friendship, for my benefit. that hurt more than anything i experienced in my conversations last nite. i cant describe wat i felt, but it just killed me. i was sooo high all day and i was just brought down soooo low in a manner of minutes. wat i thought was a genuine and special connection was someone else just feeling that they should talk to me. that they reassure me that i can always talk to them ... but i want them to be able to come to me, for any reason, hell, for no reason at all, just to talk. and i thought that i had that. but i was realli wrong. tonite realli hurt me and i kno that you didnt intend to hurt me. but i cant help but feeling that its all fake. that you feel you should just give of urself and make everyone else happy. and thats it the onli reason you talk to me. you asked me last nite, "why...?" and i told you. but i feel like i should have asked you tonite ... " why, why do you even talk to me?" there would be no answer to that question. and i know it.

my poppi is in the hospital "there realli isnt anything we can do." i feel like im dying. just about everything. im slowly being hurt and killed. i feel like everything ive ever been told has been a lie. there is no word or song that can describe wat im feeling. i need to go now.

was having the best damn day of my life and late last night it got killed. i was told some pretti upsetting news by a friend and then it got affirmed this morning. but i wanna tell the person who told me all that stuff, im not mad at you or anything. thats for being honest. all parties involved read this so im not going to go into the whole thing too much. but im confused as to wat to do or say or how to act. im gettin dirty looks from another person. wat i was told made me pretti speechless and this morning made everything all the more confusing. i dont know wat to read from all of this. this major confusion isnt helping. jackie asked wat was wrong and i cant tell her. i cant tell anyone. ugh. i cant find the words to say wat im feeling, mainly because i dont know what im really feeling. i dont kno wat to do with the info i was given or the comments that were made this morning. i wish someone would just tell me wat it all meant and wat exactly should i do. i wish sumone would tell me wat is gonna come from all this.

Hoobastank - Crawling in the Dark

I will dedicate
and sacrifice my every
thing for just a second's worth
to find my story's ending.
And I wish I could know
the directions that I take,
and all the choices that I make,
will end up all for nothing.

Show me what it's for,
make me understand it.
I've been crawling in the dark,
looking for the answer.
Is it something more
than what I've been handed?
I've been crawling in the dark,
looking for the answer.

Help me carry on.
Show me it's ok to
use my heart and not my eyes
to navigate the darkness.
You'll be ending me,
if I come in suddenly.
Will I ever get to see
the ending to my story?

Show me what it's for,
make me understand it.
I've been crawling in the dark,
looking for the answer.
Is it something more
than what I've been handed?
I've been crawling in the dark,
looking for the answer!

So when the hell will I know (know know know know know know...).
How much further do I have to go?
And how much longer 'til I finally know?
'Cause I'm looking and I just can't see what's in front of me,
in front of me!

Show me what it's for,
make me understand it.
I've been crawling in the dark,
looking for the answer.
Is it something more
than what I've been handed?
I've been crawling in the dark,
looking for the answer!

ill post again later but im not feeling all that wonderful rite now.

"everybody's gotta water buffalo
yours is fast but mine is slow
o whered we get them i dont kno
but everybodys gotta water buffalooooooooooo"

hahaha!! onli two, maybe three people i know will understand that one. haha!! and im in an evil mood so im not telling you wat its aaalll about! mwuuahahah! today was just a great day. no one died after eatin my brownies, altho john was having conniptions on the floor of the chem room. haha. he realli looks scruffy. i did pretti good on my french petition. madame was realli proud and that means alot. i got sum nice compliments from friends too and that i love. so thanks to jackie helen joe sean toni mike...and others. oooo yeh mr. oconnor and mr spike too haha. and should thank john too but if anyone knew wat else he said, you'd wanna smack him, so. im proud of myself. i found sumthing realli great that i can do. that makes me feel a lil more purposeful ( as if thats a word) WORD. freestyle for us WORD. jackie !!! ski's goin tah london for real. i got the papers and im on my way. this is gonna rock. im excited. sumthing else good happened today but because my dedicated readers, ill just say that im realli happy. im in such a great mood. it's just "so perfect, so untouchable." i have homework but ya know wat, i didnt write any of my math work down so im just sitting here. argh. yes i am a pirate. omigod breanne, " we are the pirates, who dont do anything. we just stay home and lie around and if you ask us to do anything we'll tell you, WE DONT DO ANYTHING....and i've never to boston in the faallllllll!" well i post again later on.....

buhbye

ONLY THE YOUNG
(Perry, Cain)

Another night in any town
you can hear the thunder of their cry
Ahead of their time
They wonder why

In the shadows of a golden age
A generation waits for dawn
Brave carry on
Bold and the strong

Only the young can say
They're free to fly away
Sharing the same desires
Burnin' like wildfire

They're seein' through the promises
And all the lies they dare to tell
Is it heaven or hell?
They know very well

(chorus twice)


Only the young can say
Only the young can say
Only the young can say
Only the young can say
Only the young can say

i feel realli alive. i dont realli wanna go thru the play by play of my day. it went fairly well, minus that whole locker thing. haha. i came home, took a real nice nap, did my math homework. well kinda anyway. i just finished making my brownies. they are so yummy. mmm mmm mmm. im bringin em in for school. hahah im so cute. i told a secret tonite. i hope i made the rite decision. i think i did. i got a bad grade in chem and i was pretti upset, but joe visited me in homeroom so i felt better. thanks a bunch kid. then i was talkin to helen, haha shes soo silly! im nervous about reading my french petition tomorrow. when i speak in french, in my head, i always sound terrible. but ya kno sumptin weird, im starting to believe in myself. hmm... who knew it was possible. haha im miss french kiss. thanks alot joe. see cuz hes too clever. i gotta remember to see mr. oconnor tomorrow. mike reminded me about that. "skiiiiiiiiii'sssss goin tah lonnnnnndon!" haha. it should be good, as long as theres still time and room. mikes sure there is. so ill remain optimistic for now. poor jackie isnt feeling well, so i hope ya feel better sweeti. haha we were so silly in religion. im in a good mood and alotta my friends are too. there is sum kind of contagious delirium goin around here. haha. im just happy and nothing can touch me. i like feeling like this. i still think about "him" and its just added good feelings rite now.

sweet dreams all mwuuahhhz!

hey peoples. i got this new comment thingy from my friend bre. so yay now all you people who adore me soooo much can leave me a lil comment. i'd love to read them and get some feedback on my mindless babble. haha. i'll write about my day later, but feel free to leave comments from now on. i'd realli love it. thanks. mwuahh!

WHEEL IN THE SKY

Winter is here again oh Lord,
Haven't been home in a year or more
I hope she holds on a little longer

Sent a letter on a long summer day
Made of silver, not of clay
I've been runnin' down this dusty road

Wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'
I don't know where I'll be tomorrow
Wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'

I've been trying to make it home
Got to make it before too long
I can't take this very much longer
I'm stranded in the sleet and rain
Don't think I'm ever gonna make it home again
The mornin' sun is risin'
It's kissing the day

(chorus)

Wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'
I don't know where I'll be tomorrow
Wheel in the sky keeps on turnin'

-- steve perry

i've loved that song ever since i was a little girl. journey is such a great band. i drove alot again today and my dad said ive been doin even better. jackie called at the ass crack of dawn this morning. haha. we babbled for a long time..... omigod ur car !!! YOU GOT A CAR !! AAHHH! ok im fine now. heh. joe i wanna thank you for what you said. it was nice and made me feel better. so merci beaucoup mon ami! today was kinda a wasted day. i wanna go to school to see everyone. i dont really mind it... i do mind the work and the gettin up at 530, but other than that i dont care. im with my friends. jackie and i were tryin to decide wat to dec out our cars with... so far its dinky, picadilly and my lil dino for my 'stang. i didnt think about love too much today. i have two friends who i am really worried about. im scared for them, and hurting with them. and god knows that i am confused as hell for one of ya... with all these newfound secrets of yours. my sister got into bga today. it wont be too bad. i keep losing my train of thought. haha. i didnt thnk about love too much today. but he keeps popping into my head.... ill be ok, i think. like the song says " you mite as well face it.... ur addicted to love" well i guess thats me. i have much love for my family, and even more for my friends. and a special, intense love for the guy in my heart. i cant realli think straight at all anymore....

"the rest is silence"
sweet dreams