Friday, January 18, 2002
Je suis tres heureuse et je ne sais pas que je suis la. -- trans. i am happy and i dont kno why.
Chem was chem as usual, haha the braider April. its the funniest thing. Sr. Cyndi came in and we sang, we did hand motions and sang, ha... it was...original, to say the least. i kept catchin "is she outa her damn mind" glances from matt and helen was totally feeling the moves. Gym... aww, its over. ill miss okeefe, maybe even volleyball. ill miss my top class buddies, mike and joe, the brains of the op, ::sinister laughs::. i just opened up in gym and went crazy...it felt so good. i just freaked out completely, with jackie and mike...they kno it happens, and jackies seen it before, so they didnt mind. i get realli weird, but its who i realli am, and felt good to see the real kristen for a change. I made a BOAT on the etch a scetch. i had fun. the rest of the day went on without interruption... mr spikes gonna get jumped with his all essay midterm. bleech! i finally did my renaisance project...i was nervous but i did it. it was fine i guess, not that i care, its over.
joe, i understand y you are distracted, but i promise you that i havent been slighted in the least. i never thought that for a minute. you've helped me when i didnt ask, even when i tried to stop you. im feeling ok, really. i dont kno what else to say, but you've done nothing wrong. promise. i love talking to you and even thats enough. dont worry about me like that. just you caring is enough and you've given so much of urself to lots of people.... i feel like i should be able to help you, but i cant. i wish i could.
as a friend says "maybe if i searched for love, id find it." im sure im sure you'll find it. people care and you will find sumone. and if you find the perfect path to love, let me kno, ok...cuz i've no success thus far.
as for my lil made up french quote...im happy, id know why...ok im almost happy...ok... gym helped..opening up. i just took a bubble bath, ha, bubbles. omigod "you must exercise the proper technique." i was telling telling jackie about "hello..stefano....its immigration !! " ahahaa...hey jackie..im the fattest, i put my fat ass on the table and i broke it. haahaha. i cant realli think rite now...but maybe ill post more later.
Chem was chem as usual, haha the braider April. its the funniest thing. Sr. Cyndi came in and we sang, we did hand motions and sang, ha... it was...original, to say the least. i kept catchin "is she outa her damn mind" glances from matt and helen was totally feeling the moves. Gym... aww, its over. ill miss okeefe, maybe even volleyball. ill miss my top class buddies, mike and joe, the brains of the op, ::sinister laughs::. i just opened up in gym and went crazy...it felt so good. i just freaked out completely, with jackie and mike...they kno it happens, and jackies seen it before, so they didnt mind. i get realli weird, but its who i realli am, and felt good to see the real kristen for a change. I made a BOAT on the etch a scetch. i had fun. the rest of the day went on without interruption... mr spikes gonna get jumped with his all essay midterm. bleech! i finally did my renaisance project...i was nervous but i did it. it was fine i guess, not that i care, its over.
joe, i understand y you are distracted, but i promise you that i havent been slighted in the least. i never thought that for a minute. you've helped me when i didnt ask, even when i tried to stop you. im feeling ok, really. i dont kno what else to say, but you've done nothing wrong. promise. i love talking to you and even thats enough. dont worry about me like that. just you caring is enough and you've given so much of urself to lots of people.... i feel like i should be able to help you, but i cant. i wish i could.
as a friend says "maybe if i searched for love, id find it." im sure im sure you'll find it. people care and you will find sumone. and if you find the perfect path to love, let me kno, ok...cuz i've no success thus far.
as for my lil made up french quote...im happy, id know why...ok im almost happy...ok... gym helped..opening up. i just took a bubble bath, ha, bubbles. omigod "you must exercise the proper technique." i was telling telling jackie about "hello..stefano....its immigration !! " ahahaa...hey jackie..im the fattest, i put my fat ass on the table and i broke it. haahaha. i cant realli think rite now...but maybe ill post more later.
Thursday, January 17, 2002
YAY !! j'ai fini mes repondres de francaises et j'ai fait un travialle mervielleuse. yeh thats rite, i finished and i did a damn good job. ok so, vocab went well, i think. not as bad as i was dreading it would be.
ya kno sumptin, ive come to the realization that i am completely invisible. no one notices me... im dyin in front of people, people who are supposed to be friends, and yet they dont even notice it. in the morning, i watch groups of people and friends hang out and stuff and i just feel alone. my friends dont see that im hurting, confused. chem was just brutal today and homeroom is just a torturous 20 minutes. then we went to gym and the onli one who talks to me, seriously talks to me is jackie. we were talkin to mike and joe but then sue came over and the both of us disappeared, once again i was invisible. i disappear into shadows constantly, sumtimes stupidly waiting for sumone else to pull me out. ::sighs:: nothing. i go thru the day in a daze, nothing phasing me realli. just silently breaking down a little bit more every now and then. there are no friendships, onli temporary relationships that dissolve when their real friends come back, or sumone better comes along. i feel so lost....just lost. "new cuts cover where the old ones are" i get hurt, temporary happiness, then just get hurt again. i dont heal. i love this quote, of course its linkin park, but it fits. linkin park fits my life, and the lyrics change, i change, but theres always sumptin to fit. i look at myself and i dont see anything i like. nothing. like a friend said, "i pretend it was a good day" i look back and try to emphasize the good stuff but it keeps gettin dimished by everything else in my life. no one likes me. ive felt like this for a realli long time. most people go into depressed moods every once in a while... for me, i got into happy silly lunatic moods and i luv them, but they come and go. just like friends. Going thru life alone. joe said he can onli depend on himself. i cant survive with onli my own strength, "im too weak to face me." i need other people and no one is there.
ooo and my mom rushed my dad to the hospital yesterday because his chest hurt and he couldnt breathe. it was stressed induced but the doctor said that if my mom waited any longer he could've had a heart attack... it scared the shit outa me and i had to stay home with my sis, to take care of her.
BY MYSELF:
What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride / from these bad dreams
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
Do I / sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I / try to catch them red – handed?
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
Because I can’t hold on / when I’m stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I’m lost within
I put on my daily façade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
By myself [myself]
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can’t rely on myself
I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in
If I
Turn my back I’m defenseless
And to go blindly seems senseless
If I hide my pride and let it all go on / then they’ll
Take from me ‘till everything is gone
If I let them go I’ll be outdone
But if I try to catch them I’ll be outrun
If I’m killed by the questions like a cancer
Then I’ll be buried in the silence of the answer
[by myself]
How do you think / I’ve lost so much
I’m so afraid / I’m out of touch
How do you expect / I will know what to do
When all I know / Is what you tell me to
Don’t you know
I can’t tell you how to make it go
No matter what I do, how hard I try
I can’t seem to convince myself why
I’m stuck on the outside
goodnight....
ya kno sumptin, ive come to the realization that i am completely invisible. no one notices me... im dyin in front of people, people who are supposed to be friends, and yet they dont even notice it. in the morning, i watch groups of people and friends hang out and stuff and i just feel alone. my friends dont see that im hurting, confused. chem was just brutal today and homeroom is just a torturous 20 minutes. then we went to gym and the onli one who talks to me, seriously talks to me is jackie. we were talkin to mike and joe but then sue came over and the both of us disappeared, once again i was invisible. i disappear into shadows constantly, sumtimes stupidly waiting for sumone else to pull me out. ::sighs:: nothing. i go thru the day in a daze, nothing phasing me realli. just silently breaking down a little bit more every now and then. there are no friendships, onli temporary relationships that dissolve when their real friends come back, or sumone better comes along. i feel so lost....just lost. "new cuts cover where the old ones are" i get hurt, temporary happiness, then just get hurt again. i dont heal. i love this quote, of course its linkin park, but it fits. linkin park fits my life, and the lyrics change, i change, but theres always sumptin to fit. i look at myself and i dont see anything i like. nothing. like a friend said, "i pretend it was a good day" i look back and try to emphasize the good stuff but it keeps gettin dimished by everything else in my life. no one likes me. ive felt like this for a realli long time. most people go into depressed moods every once in a while... for me, i got into happy silly lunatic moods and i luv them, but they come and go. just like friends. Going thru life alone. joe said he can onli depend on himself. i cant survive with onli my own strength, "im too weak to face me." i need other people and no one is there.
ooo and my mom rushed my dad to the hospital yesterday because his chest hurt and he couldnt breathe. it was stressed induced but the doctor said that if my mom waited any longer he could've had a heart attack... it scared the shit outa me and i had to stay home with my sis, to take care of her.
BY MYSELF:
What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride / from these bad dreams
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
Do I / sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I / try to catch them red – handed?
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
Because I can’t hold on / when I’m stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I’m lost within
I put on my daily façade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
By myself [myself]
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can’t rely on myself
I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in
If I
Turn my back I’m defenseless
And to go blindly seems senseless
If I hide my pride and let it all go on / then they’ll
Take from me ‘till everything is gone
If I let them go I’ll be outdone
But if I try to catch them I’ll be outrun
If I’m killed by the questions like a cancer
Then I’ll be buried in the silence of the answer
[by myself]
How do you think / I’ve lost so much
I’m so afraid / I’m out of touch
How do you expect / I will know what to do
When all I know / Is what you tell me to
Don’t you know
I can’t tell you how to make it go
No matter what I do, how hard I try
I can’t seem to convince myself why
I’m stuck on the outside
goodnight....
YAY !! j'ai fini mes repondres de francaises et j'ai fait un travialle mervielleuse. yeh thats rite, i finished and i did a damn good job. ok so, vocab went well, i think. not as bad as i was dreading it would be.
ya kno sumptin, ive come to the realization that i am completely invisible. no one notices me... im dyin in front of people, people who are supposed to be friends, and yet they dont even notice it. in the morning, i watch groups of people and friends hang out and stuff and i just feel alone. my friends dont see that im hurting, confused. chem was just brutal today and homeroom is just a torturous 20 minutes. then we went to gym and the onli one who talks to me, seriously talks to me is jackie. we were talkin to mike and joe but then sue came over and the both of us disappeared, once again i was invisible. i disappear into shadows constantly, sumtimes stupidly waiting for sumone else to pull me out. ::sighs:: nothing. i go thru the day in a daze, nothing phasing me realli. just silently breaking down a little bit more every now and then. there are no friendships, onli temporary relationships that dissolve when their real friends come back, or sumone better comes along. i feel so lost....just lost. "new cuts cover where the old ones are" i get hurt, temporary happiness, then just get hurt again. i dont heal. i love this quote, of course its linkin park, but it fits. linkin park fits my life, and the lyrics change, i change, but theres always sumptin to fit. i look at myself and i dont see anything i like. nothing. like a friend said, "i pretend it was a good day" i look back and try to emphasize the good stuff but it keeps gettin dimished by everything else in my life. no one likes me. ive felt like this for a realli long time. most people go into depressed moods every once in a while... for me, i got into happy silly lunatic moods and i luv them, but they come and go. just like friends. Going thru life alone. joe said he can onli depend on himself. i cant survive with onli my own strength, "im too weak to face me." i need other people and no one is there.
ooo and my mom rushed my dad to the hospital yesterday because his chest hurt and he couldnt breathe. it was stressed induced but the doctor said that if my mom waited any longer he could've had a heart attack... it scared the shit outa me and i had to stay home with my sis, to take care of her.
BY MYSELF:
What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride / from these bad dreams
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
Do I / sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I / try to catch them red – handed?
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
Because I can’t hold on / when I’m stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I’m lost within
I put on my daily façade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
By myself [myself]
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can’t rely on myself
I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in
If I
Turn my back I’m defenseless
And to go blindly seems senseless
If I hide my pride and let it all go on / then they’ll
Take from me ‘till everything is gone
If I let them go I’ll be outdone
But if I try to catch them I’ll be outrun
If I’m killed by the questions like a cancer
Then I’ll be buried in the silence of the answer
[by myself]
How do you think / I’ve lost so much
I’m so afraid / I’m out of touch
How do you expect / I will know what to do
When all I know / Is what you tell me to
Don’t you know
I can’t tell you how to make it go
No matter what I do, how hard I try
I can’t seem to convince myself why
I’m stuck on the outside
goodnight....
ya kno sumptin, ive come to the realization that i am completely invisible. no one notices me... im dyin in front of people, people who are supposed to be friends, and yet they dont even notice it. in the morning, i watch groups of people and friends hang out and stuff and i just feel alone. my friends dont see that im hurting, confused. chem was just brutal today and homeroom is just a torturous 20 minutes. then we went to gym and the onli one who talks to me, seriously talks to me is jackie. we were talkin to mike and joe but then sue came over and the both of us disappeared, once again i was invisible. i disappear into shadows constantly, sumtimes stupidly waiting for sumone else to pull me out. ::sighs:: nothing. i go thru the day in a daze, nothing phasing me realli. just silently breaking down a little bit more every now and then. there are no friendships, onli temporary relationships that dissolve when their real friends come back, or sumone better comes along. i feel so lost....just lost. "new cuts cover where the old ones are" i get hurt, temporary happiness, then just get hurt again. i dont heal. i love this quote, of course its linkin park, but it fits. linkin park fits my life, and the lyrics change, i change, but theres always sumptin to fit. i look at myself and i dont see anything i like. nothing. like a friend said, "i pretend it was a good day" i look back and try to emphasize the good stuff but it keeps gettin dimished by everything else in my life. no one likes me. ive felt like this for a realli long time. most people go into depressed moods every once in a while... for me, i got into happy silly lunatic moods and i luv them, but they come and go. just like friends. Going thru life alone. joe said he can onli depend on himself. i cant survive with onli my own strength, "im too weak to face me." i need other people and no one is there.
ooo and my mom rushed my dad to the hospital yesterday because his chest hurt and he couldnt breathe. it was stressed induced but the doctor said that if my mom waited any longer he could've had a heart attack... it scared the shit outa me and i had to stay home with my sis, to take care of her.
BY MYSELF:
What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride / from these bad dreams
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
Do I / sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I / try to catch them red – handed?
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
Because I can’t hold on / when I’m stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I’m lost within
I put on my daily façade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
By myself [myself]
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can’t rely on myself
I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in
If I
Turn my back I’m defenseless
And to go blindly seems senseless
If I hide my pride and let it all go on / then they’ll
Take from me ‘till everything is gone
If I let them go I’ll be outdone
But if I try to catch them I’ll be outrun
If I’m killed by the questions like a cancer
Then I’ll be buried in the silence of the answer
[by myself]
How do you think / I’ve lost so much
I’m so afraid / I’m out of touch
How do you expect / I will know what to do
When all I know / Is what you tell me to
Don’t you know
I can’t tell you how to make it go
No matter what I do, how hard I try
I can’t seem to convince myself why
I’m stuck on the outside
goodnight....
YAY !! j'ai fini mes repondres de francaises et j'ai fait un travialle mervielleuse. yeh thats rite, i finished and i did a damn good job. ok so, vocab went well, i think. not as bad as i was dreading it would be.
ya kno sumptin, ive come to the realization that i am completely invisible. no one notices me... im dyin in front of people, people who are supposed to be friends, and yet they dont even notice it. in the morning, i watch groups of people and friends hang out and stuff and i just feel alone. my friends dont see that im hurting, confused. chem was just brutal today and homeroom is just a torturous 20 minutes. then we went to gym and the onli one who talks to me, seriously talks to me is jackie. we were talkin to mike and joe but then sue came over and the both of us disappeared, once again i was invisible. i disappear into shadows constantly, sumtimes stupidly waiting for sumone else to pull me out. ::sighs:: nothing. i go thru the day in a daze, nothing phasing me realli. just silently breaking down a little bit more every now and then. there are no friendships, onli temporary relationships that dissolve when their real friends come back, or sumone better comes along. i feel so lost....just lost. "new cuts cover where the old ones are" i get hurt, temporary happiness, then just get hurt again. i dont heal. i love this quote, of course its linkin park, but it fits. linkin park fits my life, and the lyrics change, i change, but theres always sumptin to fit. i look at myself and i dont see anything i like. nothing. like a friend said, "i pretend it was a good day" i look back and try to emphasize the good stuff but it keeps gettin dimished by everything else in my life. no one likes me. ive felt like this for a realli long time. most people go into depressed moods every once in a while... for me, i got into happy silly lunatic moods and i luv them, but they come and go. just like friends. Going thru life alone. joe said he can onli depend on himself. i cant survive with onli my own strength, "im too weak to face me." i need other people and no one is there.
ooo and my mom rushed my dad to the hospital yesterday because his chest hurt and he couldnt breathe. it was stressed induced but the doctor said that if my mom waited any longer he could've had a heart attack... it scared the shit outa me and i had to stay home with my sis, to take care of her.
BY MYSELF:
What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride / from these bad dreams
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
Do I / sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I / try to catch them red – handed?
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
Because I can’t hold on / when I’m stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I’m lost within
I put on my daily façade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
By myself [myself]
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can’t rely on myself
I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in
If I
Turn my back I’m defenseless
And to go blindly seems senseless
If I hide my pride and let it all go on / then they’ll
Take from me ‘till everything is gone
If I let them go I’ll be outdone
But if I try to catch them I’ll be outrun
If I’m killed by the questions like a cancer
Then I’ll be buried in the silence of the answer
[by myself]
How do you think / I’ve lost so much
I’m so afraid / I’m out of touch
How do you expect / I will know what to do
When all I know / Is what you tell me to
Don’t you know
I can’t tell you how to make it go
No matter what I do, how hard I try
I can’t seem to convince myself why
I’m stuck on the outside
goodnight....
ya kno sumptin, ive come to the realization that i am completely invisible. no one notices me... im dyin in front of people, people who are supposed to be friends, and yet they dont even notice it. in the morning, i watch groups of people and friends hang out and stuff and i just feel alone. my friends dont see that im hurting, confused. chem was just brutal today and homeroom is just a torturous 20 minutes. then we went to gym and the onli one who talks to me, seriously talks to me is jackie. we were talkin to mike and joe but then sue came over and the both of us disappeared, once again i was invisible. i disappear into shadows constantly, sumtimes stupidly waiting for sumone else to pull me out. ::sighs:: nothing. i go thru the day in a daze, nothing phasing me realli. just silently breaking down a little bit more every now and then. there are no friendships, onli temporary relationships that dissolve when their real friends come back, or sumone better comes along. i feel so lost....just lost. "new cuts cover where the old ones are" i get hurt, temporary happiness, then just get hurt again. i dont heal. i love this quote, of course its linkin park, but it fits. linkin park fits my life, and the lyrics change, i change, but theres always sumptin to fit. i look at myself and i dont see anything i like. nothing. like a friend said, "i pretend it was a good day" i look back and try to emphasize the good stuff but it keeps gettin dimished by everything else in my life. no one likes me. ive felt like this for a realli long time. most people go into depressed moods every once in a while... for me, i got into happy silly lunatic moods and i luv them, but they come and go. just like friends. Going thru life alone. joe said he can onli depend on himself. i cant survive with onli my own strength, "im too weak to face me." i need other people and no one is there.
ooo and my mom rushed my dad to the hospital yesterday because his chest hurt and he couldnt breathe. it was stressed induced but the doctor said that if my mom waited any longer he could've had a heart attack... it scared the shit outa me and i had to stay home with my sis, to take care of her.
BY MYSELF:
What do I do to ignore them behind me?
Do I follow my instincts blindly?
Do I hide my pride / from these bad dreams
And give in to sad thoughts that are maddening?
Do I / sit here and try to stand it?
Or do I / try to catch them red – handed?
Do I trust some and get fooled by phoniness,
Or do I trust nobody and live in loneliness?
Because I can’t hold on / when I’m stretched so thin
I make the right moves but I’m lost within
I put on my daily façade but then
I just end up getting hurt again
By myself [myself]
I ask why, but in my mind
I find I can’t rely on myself
I can’t hold on
To what I want when I’m stretched so thin
It’s all too much to take in
I can’t hold on
To anything watching everything spin
With thoughts of failure sinking in
If I
Turn my back I’m defenseless
And to go blindly seems senseless
If I hide my pride and let it all go on / then they’ll
Take from me ‘till everything is gone
If I let them go I’ll be outdone
But if I try to catch them I’ll be outrun
If I’m killed by the questions like a cancer
Then I’ll be buried in the silence of the answer
[by myself]
How do you think / I’ve lost so much
I’m so afraid / I’m out of touch
How do you expect / I will know what to do
When all I know / Is what you tell me to
Don’t you know
I can’t tell you how to make it go
No matter what I do, how hard I try
I can’t seem to convince myself why
I’m stuck on the outside
goodnight....
To Be With You
im changing this to fit a boy not the original girl...
Hold on little boy
Show me what she's done to you
Stand up little boy
A broken heart can't be that bad
When it's through, it's through
Fate will twist the both of you
So come on baby come on over
Let me be the one to show you
I'm the one who wants to be with you
Deep inside I hope you feel it too
Waited on a line of greens and blues
Just to be the next to be with you
Build up your confidence
So you can be on top for once
wake up who cares about
Little girls that talk too much
I seen it all go down
Your game of love was all rained out
So come on baby, come on over
Let me be the one to hold you
Chorus
Why be alone when we can be together baby
You can make my life worthwhile
And I can make you start to smile
i love the chorus to this song, its realli teh onli part i like but anyway its how i feel about a certain sumone. the more im with him, the more i talk to him, the more im fallin for him...ambivalence...yeh damn straight im torn between two opposing courses of action... well in my case, two guys, neither barely kno im alive... one of them talk to me and jackie onli when "his girl " isnt around and as soon as she comes by, thats it...we dont exist... watever...there is sumone else well jackie thinks so anyway. in our lil group im the onli one with out a bf...jackies got a new guy fawning all over her and michelles been with john for a year. and im just like a shadow in between them all, invisible, and unlovable....thats all i can write rite now...i got french essays to write....
im changing this to fit a boy not the original girl...
Hold on little boy
Show me what she's done to you
Stand up little boy
A broken heart can't be that bad
When it's through, it's through
Fate will twist the both of you
So come on baby come on over
Let me be the one to show you
I'm the one who wants to be with you
Deep inside I hope you feel it too
Waited on a line of greens and blues
Just to be the next to be with you
Build up your confidence
So you can be on top for once
wake up who cares about
Little girls that talk too much
I seen it all go down
Your game of love was all rained out
So come on baby, come on over
Let me be the one to hold you
Chorus
Why be alone when we can be together baby
You can make my life worthwhile
And I can make you start to smile
i love the chorus to this song, its realli teh onli part i like but anyway its how i feel about a certain sumone. the more im with him, the more i talk to him, the more im fallin for him...ambivalence...yeh damn straight im torn between two opposing courses of action... well in my case, two guys, neither barely kno im alive... one of them talk to me and jackie onli when "his girl " isnt around and as soon as she comes by, thats it...we dont exist... watever...there is sumone else well jackie thinks so anyway. in our lil group im the onli one with out a bf...jackies got a new guy fawning all over her and michelles been with john for a year. and im just like a shadow in between them all, invisible, and unlovable....thats all i can write rite now...i got french essays to write....
Linkin Park Hybrid Theory
(03)
WITH YOU:
I woke up in a dream today
To the cold of the static / and put my cold feet on the floor
Forgot all about yesterday
Remembering I’m pretending to be where I’m not anymore
A little taste of hypocrisy
And I’m left in the wake of the mistake / slow to react
Even though you’re so close to me
You’re still so distant / And I can’t bring you back
It’s true / the way I feel
Was promised by your face
The sound of your voice
Painted on my memories
Even if you’re not with me
I’m with you
You / Now I see/ keeping everything inside
You / Now I see / Even when I close my eyes
I hit you and you hit me back
We fall to the floor / the rest of the day stands still
Fine line between this and that
When things go wrong I pretend the past isn’t real
Now I'm trapped in this memory
And I’m left in the wake of the mistake / slow to react
Even though you’re close to me
You’re still so distant / And I can’t bring you back
no
No matter how far we've come
I can't wait to see tomorrow
With you
(03)
WITH YOU:
I woke up in a dream today
To the cold of the static / and put my cold feet on the floor
Forgot all about yesterday
Remembering I’m pretending to be where I’m not anymore
A little taste of hypocrisy
And I’m left in the wake of the mistake / slow to react
Even though you’re so close to me
You’re still so distant / And I can’t bring you back
It’s true / the way I feel
Was promised by your face
The sound of your voice
Painted on my memories
Even if you’re not with me
I’m with you
You / Now I see/ keeping everything inside
You / Now I see / Even when I close my eyes
I hit you and you hit me back
We fall to the floor / the rest of the day stands still
Fine line between this and that
When things go wrong I pretend the past isn’t real
Now I'm trapped in this memory
And I’m left in the wake of the mistake / slow to react
Even though you’re close to me
You’re still so distant / And I can’t bring you back
no
No matter how far we've come
I can't wait to see tomorrow
With you
Wednesday, January 16, 2002
Chester Bennington The Morning After (live)
Caught up against the wall again
Time to chill in the bar again
Never seize to amaze the night
So I just sleep sleep sleep please don´t
Wake me till the morning after
Wake me till the morning after
Got confused by the thought (?) again
Lick my wounds like a dog again
Is that a light at the end of the tunnel
That I see I see please let it be but don´t
Wake me till the morning after
Wake me till the morning after
Wake me till the morning after
I´m so tired there has got to be an end
to the pain I feel when I´m
awake and alive alive alive alive
and I´m dreamin
Caught up against the wall again
Time to chill in the bar again
Is that a light at the end of the tunnel
That I see I see please let it be but don´t
Wake me till the morning after
Wake me till the morning after
Wake me till the morning after
I´m so tired there has got to be an end
to the pain I feel when I´m
awake and alive alive alive alive
And I´m dreamin
a delirium...confusion and a constant happiness.... yet im full of worry, for myself, my friends and family. yesterday, as one call tell from the post i felt lost and alone, but i started talkin to a friend and i felt safe, i felt that nothing could touch me. ... the clouds went away and i slept ok. i am thankful to him for that... so thank you ! today was ok i guess... gym was funny... me and debora talkin to mr okeefe about adult candy and his "y you kids are screwed up article" Ha, good times. heheh. when i walk alone and just think, so sum reason i catch myself smiling, alot... but i havent been able to figure out why. its weird as all hell. ive been practicing my french for the liturgy. im scared shitless, realli i am, but lil madame believes in me, and not many people do, so i want to show her i can do it...but im realli showing myself that i can do it. i think. like the song says...alive and im dreamin. theres still sum fight in me.... bon jovi says "you live for the fight when its all that you got." its all that i have and im ready to fight. the dreaming, i dunno.... maybe thats me catching myself smiling all the time. jackie keeps asking me y im always smiling lately and i sound like a doof cuz i have no idea.
Caught up against the wall again
Time to chill in the bar again
Never seize to amaze the night
So I just sleep sleep sleep please don´t
Wake me till the morning after
Wake me till the morning after
Got confused by the thought (?) again
Lick my wounds like a dog again
Is that a light at the end of the tunnel
That I see I see please let it be but don´t
Wake me till the morning after
Wake me till the morning after
Wake me till the morning after
I´m so tired there has got to be an end
to the pain I feel when I´m
awake and alive alive alive alive
and I´m dreamin
Caught up against the wall again
Time to chill in the bar again
Is that a light at the end of the tunnel
That I see I see please let it be but don´t
Wake me till the morning after
Wake me till the morning after
Wake me till the morning after
I´m so tired there has got to be an end
to the pain I feel when I´m
awake and alive alive alive alive
And I´m dreamin
a delirium...confusion and a constant happiness.... yet im full of worry, for myself, my friends and family. yesterday, as one call tell from the post i felt lost and alone, but i started talkin to a friend and i felt safe, i felt that nothing could touch me. ... the clouds went away and i slept ok. i am thankful to him for that... so thank you ! today was ok i guess... gym was funny... me and debora talkin to mr okeefe about adult candy and his "y you kids are screwed up article" Ha, good times. heheh. when i walk alone and just think, so sum reason i catch myself smiling, alot... but i havent been able to figure out why. its weird as all hell. ive been practicing my french for the liturgy. im scared shitless, realli i am, but lil madame believes in me, and not many people do, so i want to show her i can do it...but im realli showing myself that i can do it. i think. like the song says...alive and im dreamin. theres still sum fight in me.... bon jovi says "you live for the fight when its all that you got." its all that i have and im ready to fight. the dreaming, i dunno.... maybe thats me catching myself smiling all the time. jackie keeps asking me y im always smiling lately and i sound like a doof cuz i have no idea.
Tuesday, January 15, 2002
im dyin tonite.... im dyin, cold and alone, like every other day of my life... i thought that there was an escape but theres onli darkness... thats all.
i cant even form words for explain how i feel because ive been feeling like this for so long, the pain just grows inside of me and there is no release.
i doesnt end and i fear it never will... nothing is rite... i cant explain anymore so i think this songs sums it up better than i can....
Hybrid Theory - Track 06: Runaway (3:04)
Graffiti decorations
Underneath a sky of dust
A constant wave of tension
On top of broken trust
The lessons that you taught me
I learned were never true
Now I find myself in question
[They point the finger at me again]
Guilty by association
[You point the finger at me again]
Paper bags and angry voices
Under a sky of dust
Another wave of tension
Has more than filled me up
All my talk of taking action
These words were never true
I wanna run away
Never say good-bye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind
Gonna run away
i cant even form words for explain how i feel because ive been feeling like this for so long, the pain just grows inside of me and there is no release.
i doesnt end and i fear it never will... nothing is rite... i cant explain anymore so i think this songs sums it up better than i can....
Hybrid Theory - Track 06: Runaway (3:04)
Graffiti decorations
Underneath a sky of dust
A constant wave of tension
On top of broken trust
The lessons that you taught me
I learned were never true
Now I find myself in question
[They point the finger at me again]
Guilty by association
[You point the finger at me again]
Paper bags and angry voices
Under a sky of dust
Another wave of tension
Has more than filled me up
All my talk of taking action
These words were never true
I wanna run away
Never say good-bye
I wanna know the truth
Instead of wondering why
I wanna know the answers
No more lies
I wanna shut the door
And open up my mind
Gonna run away
Monday, January 14, 2002
Hybrid Theory EP - Track: And One
Where should I start
Disjointed heart
I’ve got no commitment
To my own flesh and blood
Left all alone
Far from my home
No one to hear me, to heal my ill heart, I
Keep it locked up inside
Cannot express
To the point I’ve regressed
If anger’s a gift, then I guess I’ve been blessed, I
Keep it locked up inside
Keep my distance from your lies
It’s too late to love me now
You helped me to show me
It’s too late to love me now
You don’t take a word in
Breaking a part of my heart to find release
Taking you out of my blood to bring me peace
Breaking a part of my heart to find release
Taking you out of my blood to bring me peace
Breaking a part of my heart to find release (Break)
Taking you out of my blood to bring me peace (Me)
Breaking a part of my heart to find release (Too)
Taking you out of my blood to bring me peace
Keep it locked up inside
Keep my distance from your lies
Breaking a part of my heart to find release (Break)
Taking you out of my blood to bring me peace (Me)
Breaking a part of my heart to find release (Too)
Taking you out of my blood to bring me peace
Breaking a part of my heart to find release
Taking you out of my blood to bring me peace
Breaking a part of my heart to find release
Taking you out of my blood to bring me peace
Keep my distance
Keep my distance
Keep my distance
Keep my distance
Where should I start
Disjointed heart
I’ve got no commitment
To my own flesh and blood
Left all alone
Far from my home
No one to hear me, to heal my ill heart, I
Keep it locked up inside
Cannot express
To the point I’ve regressed
If anger’s a gift, then I guess I’ve been blessed, I
Keep it locked up inside
Keep my distance from your lies
It’s too late to love me now
You helped me to show me
It’s too late to love me now
You don’t take a word in
Breaking a part of my heart to find release
Taking you out of my blood to bring me peace
Breaking a part of my heart to find release
Taking you out of my blood to bring me peace
Breaking a part of my heart to find release (Break)
Taking you out of my blood to bring me peace (Me)
Breaking a part of my heart to find release (Too)
Taking you out of my blood to bring me peace
Keep it locked up inside
Keep my distance from your lies
Breaking a part of my heart to find release (Break)
Taking you out of my blood to bring me peace (Me)
Breaking a part of my heart to find release (Too)
Taking you out of my blood to bring me peace
Breaking a part of my heart to find release
Taking you out of my blood to bring me peace
Breaking a part of my heart to find release
Taking you out of my blood to bring me peace
Keep my distance
Keep my distance
Keep my distance
Keep my distance
"the rest is silence"
Sunday, January 13, 2002
i keep reflecting .... i hate it.... its like loving an invisible ghost or sumptin.... i can feel its there but he doesnt even kno that he has any effect on me watsoever... a ghost ... am i loosing it...yes... there is no relationship but its the strongest one ive ever felt.....
i just wanna shake sumone and just say "be there for me, in anyway you can" because i need you rite now..i need sumone"
im stuck being happy but im not. so many changes i kno i gotta make cuz im a loser in every respect but im happy where i am... im completely infatuated with this kid but i sure as shit shouldnt be at all...there are a thousand reasons y i "shouldnt be" but i am... and of course theres my " i dont even have a chance" but every interaction every line, i fall for him more and more... like theres sum deep seeded connection that i feel sumwhere in my heart but cant even see...but it makes me so happy and yet so sad because nothing will come of it... ive never felt this way before, its not sum physical thing or sum o well i gotta like sumone so yeh...its so much more than that and yet theres nothing.... friendship that never existed to him aquatentices ... to me more tho techinically nothing .... there is nothing but a feeling of sumthing......
i wish i was happy i wish i had sumone....the phrase everyones got sumone is shit...there is no one... i cant trust anyone , they dont understand, i want sumone who im not afraid to tell certain things too... havin friends who are girls are like askin to get ur ass kicked...i cant deal with girls .... fickle and annoying and they dont understand anything, they dont understand me, girls are too self centered and involved to increase their scope to anything else... ive found that boys are the best companions anyone could as for.... i cant explain y i could give examples but watever... they always understand they are cutthroat honest they care....
i want a fairy godmother to give me the person i need.... or sumptin
im out
i wish i was happy i wish i had sumone....the phrase everyones got sumone is shit...there is no one... i cant trust anyone , they dont understand, i want sumone who im not afraid to tell certain things too... havin friends who are girls are like askin to get ur ass kicked...i cant deal with girls .... fickle and annoying and they dont understand anything, they dont understand me, girls are too self centered and involved to increase their scope to anything else... ive found that boys are the best companions anyone could as for.... i cant explain y i could give examples but watever... they always understand they are cutthroat honest they care....
i want a fairy godmother to give me the person i need.... or sumptin
im out
